Wow it has sure been a long time since I have written about anything. I apologize for that. My mind is spiral thinking and the only sure way to stop it is for me to write. My spiral thinking consists of me focusing on one sole thing, that thing is constantly swirling and mixing into my thoughts of non related things. It does this until it once again becomes the sole focus and then I obsess and talk to my husband, my bestie, and my sister about the same thing because I am so stuck on this one thought.
I worry that I will bore or annoy my friends and family, hence why I write it out. I can annoy myself and not feel guilty. But I am definitely doing it again. This is the same reason that I execute plans well because I’m so focused on the plan that I get excited to take action and stop talking about it (guess I do annoy myself after all).
The focus of all my brain power right now is about our next 5 year goal.
2020- Get back on our feet, started new career officially closed the college no money step!
2021- Get back on our feet and start our list on where we would like to move, start research.
2022- Visit places on the list, start narrowing it down.
2023- Move hopefully, or take one more year to figure it out
2024- Settle into where ever we move
2025- Settle in possibly start masters degree.
That is the 5 year goal. I am excited to start on it. I have done a lot since graduating. We refinanced to save money, then we bought a new vehicle to replace the one that was two small to do anything or go anywhere. We have been getting everything together and talking about possible places.
We have not been on the same page. About 1 or 2 years ago we decided lets just stay in our current state. But after recent conversations my husband is no longer sure he wants to stay in our state. So now we are looking up other states that fit some of our main key points.
Me and hubby process this type of stuff differently. My hubby is a fixer. He needs to just fix it, planning is “dreaming with focus” fixing it is an action. He is my action man, but unfortunatly we can’t skip the planning phase (which I enjoy the planning phase, I am great at focused dreaming) lol but me talking about what if feels to far away for him and he can’t physically do anything right now so it stresses him out that he can’t just fix it. I get stressed if we are not planning because without a plan it won’t happen or it wont happen in a good time frame.
Normally when it is important stuff I do the planning and ease hubby into change because he doesn’t flow with change very easily. I think he’s just dealt with to much BS in his life. He had a rough childhood and things weren’t always easy or stable and I know that left it’s scars. I have my own periods of childhood that were unstable too and I get it. I worry that I am making a change for the wrong reasons from my own childhood trauma.
I don’t think we are doing anything drastic, our life was unstable at times for reasons that is nothing similar to now. My mother is bipolar and manic at that. She has many manic episodes and it sometimes left us in financial stress, or in new places with poor planning. Hubby mom often moved without a job lined up or with a boyfriend that left them stranded and both of us work hard to provide stability with well thought out decisions for our family. I preface all of that because moving is such a huge deal but it is also a very difficult and emotional one for both of us.
We both ideally want to live somewhere else. We both want somewhere with four seasons, a small city/large town. Somewhere that we can grow a big garden and let the kids run the yard and the dogs have a decent area to run and jump. I want to be closer to nature, closer to each other. We both have always dreamed of somewhere greener. So why the hell are we still sitting her cooking in the desert. We are here because we have had no choice. But now that we do have a choice we need to figure out where we are going to go.
We have been looking all over the country and have narrowed down are list to laws, taxes, real estate and of course teacher salary and perks. We are visiting one of the closer places on our list this summer, and then next summer we might check out South Dakota or Washington, maybe Utah. I really like the west coast but who knows where we will end up. I just want to end up somewhere we can put our roots in and be happy. Somewhere we feel comfortable raising our children and giving them the life we dream of. I am afraid of looking at places far from my family. Here I have my parents, my bestie and my sister. In my hometown I have 2 more sisters and my brother. In one of the places my other bestie lives about 30 minutes away. But every where else on the list has none of our family but they are green. So green and I want to be somewhere green for the rest of my life. I want big green trees that grow everywhere. Long soft wild grass. I want fall where leaves change colors and drift in big piles to the yard. I want snow and sledding and hot coffee watching the frost on the glass disappear. I want spring showers of warm days and cold evenings around a fire pit. I want Ice tea in the summer barefoot in the grass working on the garden. All these things I want but it is not impossible. It is just not possible where we currently live. Hubby has painted the picture of what he wants and we picture many the same things. But I knew this from us talking for years.
It can seem overwhelming to find that gorgeous place we dream of but I am excited to start looking for it. We are hoping to have no more than 2 years. I literally want to book a few weekend trips with just me and hubby to check some of these places out with out the kids so that we can give the places our full attention but I don’t know if I will be able to convince hubby of it. I think it is going to come down to what we can see during summer vacations only. The biggest problem there is to that my husband doesn’t get as much summer time off. This summer we are checking out Nevada, so next summer I would like to get up to Washington, but I have no idea when we will get to Utah or South Dakota. We still have a lot of research todo but that really means that I have a lot of research to do.
I am so excited to start this chapter of our life.