20 weeks

Can’t believe I’m this far in ways part of me feels like I still have soooooo far to go! ANother part of me is thrilled to be half way through the pregnancy woot-woot!!! I’m looking forward to another 19 weeks with me n Dalton before baby comes but I am also looking forward to the next chapter of our lives…

Symptoms: tired, hungry all the time!

Mood: changes a lot from elated to irritated pretty quickly, even tearful…

Best part of the week: feeling her move

Name: yes brainstorming cute ways to announce it…

Showing yes!!!

Looking forward to: more movement! My ultrasound in 2 weeks

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Dream board

Have you ever heard of these? My sister does one instead of doing New Year’s resolution. Apparently it’s where you put visual representation of your goals… I feel like I do something similar but with my blog. I write it out, what I’m thinking about now, what I want in the future, what I’m a doing to help myself succeed or getting in my own way… But I also like the idea of having a daily visual reminder but IDK where I would even put a poster board up because quite frankly I don’t have the space… Instead I think I will continue writing but I love the idea…

Immediate goals:

  1. My first goal is to have a successful semester where I pass all my class and am ready to move onto next semester!
  2. Enjoy the rest of my pregnancy and soak up all this time with Dalton
  3. Get my house a bit more organized before chaos takes over
  4. Enjoy Life

Goals for 1 year:

  1. Graduate College
  2. Get a routine to help control the chaos
  3. Get hired in a school somewhat close to home preferably.
  4. Enjoy Life

Goals for 3 years out:

  1. Pay off Car
  2. Save up enough for a down payment on a new house
  3. Pick out where we want to move
  4. Apply for jobs in the place we choose
  5. Enjoy Life

Goals for 5 years out:

  1. Move away from the city
  2. Work on being as debt free as we can
  3. Go on fun family adventures during summer breaks
  4. Go to Hawaii
  5. Enjoy life

I really think these are all very attainable! I really badly want to move out of the city, move closer to family, and further away from the heat! I also no I have to be patient and at times it drives me crazy that we are still here. For the first time in mine n Reds relationship I feel like we have an actual plan of how to move away from the city vs. just dreaming and talking about how nice it would be. I feel like we are actively working on all of these things…

I can’t wait to have my baby girl in my arms! I also can’t wait to graduate school and move on to the next chapter of my life where I’m in a career that I can enjoy… I am also looking forward to getting paid for all my hard work unlike now where I work 40-60 hours a week and get no pay… 

I am looking forward to the day we get to pick out a home… My hubby already had a house when we started dating and I lived with a roommate so moving in with him made sense compared to us trying to move into a new place… I did not help pick out this house, I have added a lot of my touches but it’s not really something I would have picked out for a growing family but he wasn’t ever expecting to have more children until he started dating me. So I understand his thoughts this house would have been perfect for a single dad with 2 kids… but a family with four kids and a disabled mother in law is not so comfortable. The house is pretty small which is fine I don’t need a huge house but it’s right on the edge of too small for me… mostly I want a bigger kitchen a master bedroom with bathroom (we gave up the master because it had a bathroom in it and that was more accessible to the disabled mother in law mentioned) so we share the 1 bathroom with the kids and it sucks! beyond that I just don’t like the location of the city we live in more than anything else. So this house is just fine while we live in this city but I want out of here and look forward to picking out a house together for when we do move out… 

Well enough of my day dreams of the future… I am beyond exhausted and heading for bed now!

mental vs. physical

My pregnancies have been so different…

Pregnancy #1 was easy physically, no nausea I felt great. I felt a lot of movement. But my anxiety and paranoia was intense it was so difficult… mentally.

Pregnancy #2 has been opposite I can barely feel her kick, I have been sick the majority of this pregnancy. I’ve had back pains hip pains already… but once the first trimester was over my fears and paranoia disappeared.

I was so terrified my whole pregnancy with Dalton I was anxious and afraid the whole time that he was going to some how be taken away from me.

With little girl I have been much more at ease. I think I was in a better mindset from the start and not so certain that everything was going to go wrong like I was with Dalton. It is so much nicer being able to just be pregnant instead of be afraid. I really hope this is a sign that I won’t have the post partum-depression/ post-partum anxiety that I had last time. However, if I do this time I know what to look for and that I can reach out for help. I don’t have to go through it all alone.

I think a big part of the difference is that I finally have some trust in my body again. It took a long time but after successfully carrying a pregnancy to term, and then finally healing from labor, and being able to breastfeed for as long as I wanted really helped me gain trust in my body but it took a long time… I think being able to trust my body a little bit went a long, long, long way! My pregnancy with Dalton felt like it went by extremely slowly and this time I can’t believe I’m already half way through it and that little girl will be here in 4 months!!!

Stress

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School has been crazy this semester. I will admit that it is by far my hardest semester yet… that said I’ve also talked to many classmates that feel the same way, which makes me feel good because then I don’t feel like I’m just being overtly sensitive or complainy which I don’t like to feel either way…

This week is getting better I finally feel like I have my sh** together a bit more which is so nice! I have had so much to do today alone and some how got all my homework list done… house cleaning not so much… but the homework is a go!

I’m got a lot of make up work for my p2 class and I’m struggling a little mostly it is an internship so it is time I have to make up more than anything else. I have a list of school goals to kick out of the park and get everything back on track… Having a little extra energy has sure gone a long way!

That hasn’t been my most stressful part of the week though… So my MIL#2 (mother in law 2 because my hubby has 2 moms) lives with us and over the years has become handicapped… our personalities clash and I’m not her biggest fan and the less she tries to do for herself the more I find myself not putting energy into our relationship…

There is a big back story there and I’m sure throughout my blog I’ve written about it but not sure where to link it… so quick back ground if your not caught up on this particular subject.  When I moved in with hubby he had her living with him already and she was only mildly disabled, she still cooked, cleaned, drove herself, and was completely self sufficient… she was a nurse for hospice for a very long time and used to come home complaining to me that she could never put her family through that and when it is time she would go to a home before ever depending on her family… Fast forward to years of her losing her independence and me literally cleaning up after her including feces, urine, and other lovely bodily fluids… I am not a nurse/medical kind of person it is not my thing… I give props to all in the medical industry I could not do what you do… any ways she has gone from completely independent to completely dependent… she has a nurse that visits 2 times a week to clean a diabetic wound she has and she has a personal cleaner lady that comes twice a week to give her baths… beyond that we do everything for her… She refuses to take care of herself and I find myself telling her nurse about things she won’t admit such as falling down that might have caused her serious injury that she doesn’t want to share because I worry for her… She only has a bath 2x a week because it’s $15 a day and she wont do it more than that and her dr. said it was the minimum required for her to continue living at home… we are NOT her caretakers legal she is her own caretaker… so I don’t actually have the right to whisper concerns to her nurse but she literal might have broken her wrist and I tattled because the bruising and swelling looked bad and with her being diabetic it could actually kill her…

Why do I tell you this? Because I’m concerned that she needs to be in a home where there are people who can help her… I came home today and she was laying on the floor. I asked her why and how long she’d been there and it was for an hour n half and she’d fallen out of her wheel chair and couldn’t even lift herself to a sitting position so that she could reach her phone and call for help… I can not pick her up so I tried to make her as comfortable as I could while we waiting for my husband to get home because she wouldn’t let me call 911…

I don’t want her to feel like we’re forcing her out of the house but she needs so much more assistance than we can provide… IT’s soooo stressful… I wish this is something she would choose todo instead she has said she won’t go until the doctors force her to go and the dr. said one more incident and she has no choice… which is why she won’t let me call 911… UGH so much stress I’m worried I’m going to come home and she’s going to be hurt so badly that it kills her and it will be because we can’t give her the help she needs… It weighs so heavy on my heart!

Officially 5 months!

I can’t believe I’m 18 weeks and just entered my 5th month! It feels crazy! Today I was supposed to have my anatomy scan but when I showed up to my dr. I found out they had cancelled my appointment, they said they had tried to contact me which I never had any messages and I had called them about 20 minutes before the appointment because traffic was going to make me 5-10 minutes late and they didn’t mention then that I would be rescheduled but I walk into the clinic and then they tell me! I was so frustrated!

I only have a couple of shirts that fit me and my belly is only getting bigger so I went to Ross a discount clothing store and found a few more shirts, I also got some shorts because the weather is getting warm and I’m due in August so it’s going to be a hot summer with a big belly, I even bought a cute dress I can wear to student teaching or my baby shower or really anything!

I really look forward to the baby shower, but I’m not planning it my sister is which is hard for me to accept because she’s out of town and can be rather flaky. So giving up any control can be difficult. Not to mention that last pregnancy I had 2 baby showers one up north with all my siblings and one down here at my house with my friends and the 2 parties were completely different. The one with my siblings was sweet traditional baby shower, where as the one down here was a little more co-ed wild. At my first one it was in the morning with a few snacks traditional games. The one down here had guys jugging beer (or mixed drinks) out of a bottle, a diaper war where the women threw diapers at the guys and they had baskets they had to catch them in. One party was calm and sweet, and the other was hilarious and loud the second one I planned so it was a bit more my style and it was more fun, not that I didn’t enjoy the one with my siblings it was just a bit more fun at my house. I told my sister I wanted and late afternoon/evening party so we could bbq and let the guys chat and drink if they wanted. And she is planning it for 1pm which isn’t really lets drink and be loud kinda party. IDK I’m not sure how co-ed she is planning this and I really like my hubby being part of the party…. I’ve expressed that to my sister and she seems to not really be listening so IDK I can’t throw 2 baby showers that just doesn’t make sense so I think I’m going to have to be fine with a sweet elegant not my style kinda baby shower…

I’m even okay with not having any alcohol their (sorry male friends) but it will still be a lot of fun with the co-ed games we have planned. I’m hoping my siblings will understand why I want it later in the day so that my husband and other friends can be there!

So onto the update stuff:

Symptoms: Moody, irritable, starving all the time, and headaches have put me on my ass more than once.

Bump: Is definitely showing and much larger at 18 weeks than I was with Dalton at 18 weeks so that whole 2nd pregnancy thing is ringing true for me..

1st pregnancy                                           2nd pregnancy both 17 weeks

(my arms were in much better shape in 1st pregnancy I’m going to be doing some really light weights to tone my arms)

Maternity clothes: Yes, definitely

Weight gain: 6lbs

Names: Yes I think we have it picked out but were going to start using it to see how we like it before telling the world…

Most exciting moment: Feeling her kicking more and more even my hubby got to feel her kick once!

Things I’m looking forward to: Anatomy scan next week

Preparation: I’ve made a list of some of the things I’d like to do before she arrives and when I should start those projects… I’m not starting any until my semester is over! Such as sewing her a few things, meal preps, putting her section of our room together getting her scrap book together (and getting Dalton’s all caught up)… I’d also like to get back into yoga!

Holy smokes 17 weeks!

I can’t believe I’m 17 weeks pregnant! this is my last week of being 4 months pregnant!!! Next week I will be 5 months which feels crazy! I can’t believe I’m almost half way through this pregnancy! Sometimes I wonder when I am going to be able to just enjoy this pregnancy! The first trimester was rough, nausea started going away finally and then I caught a nasty cold and then before I could get over it I caught the flu! The last 2 weeks have been hell! Between being sick from bugs and trying to get through school I’ve been stressed and exhausted!!! I think I’m finally getting my sh** together…

So onto the pregnancy update I’ve been horrible about doing these updates which I feel bad about because I was soo good about it as Dalton…

How far? 17 weeks

Symptoms: tired, hungry,

Bump showing: yes and getting bigger

Wedding rings on/off? off but haven’t fit since my last pregnancy

Regular clothing? nope, I am wearing maternity clothes and it’s nice!

Milestones? I am finally feeling movement!!!

Best part of the week? Dalton asking to hear babies heart beat on my doppler

Baby’s size? about 4 inches along!!!

Gender? Girl

Names? Yes but not ready to share with the world yet

How are you preparing for baby? I’m not doing anything yet, honestly I’m just eating right and taking my vitamins… I did receive a few boxes of clothing and I went through them and kept some of them and the rest I’m taking to the consignment shop…

Thing you’re looking forward to? I’m looking forward to getting to have a big belly where I get to feel her kicking all the time! I’m excited to have a girl and I’m nervous to have 2 under 3

Feeling like me

Today is the most energized I have felt in 2 weeks. Getting sick sucks so badly!!!! The worst part was knowing I had a ton of work to-do and I couldn’t do anything but lay down and cuddle my toddler! Yesterday was the first day I started feeling better I managed to get 3 big assignments done and today I got 90% of another big assignment done so I only have about 2 hours worth of work tomorrow and then I can relax the rest of the day!

I have been slacking in general lately I had misplaced my planner and it was showing I was starting to miss assignment due dates because I had gotten out of my general routine… I’ve been in survival mode and just barely getting by! My senior year of college is by far the hardest (as is expected) but I have a feeling next semester is supposed to be just as taxing on me! I will be so grateful when I am done! I do want my master’s eventually but for now I am just focusing on my bachelors and then I am going to take a break for a couple years, I think I will wait until my youngest is in kindergarten or at the very least in preschool so that I can enjoy the toddler stage without all the schooling…

Now that my planner has been found I updated it and it felt good, it felt like I was taking control of my life again! I almost forgot how much I truly love my planner! Hopefully between feeling better and pregnancy symptoms like nausea starting to ease up I will be able to start getting ahead of the game! I need to pass the majority of my classes with a B and I have managed to have a 4.0 the last 5 semesters I’d like to keep that up but if I can’t I wont complain as long as I don’t have to retake any classes I’ll be happy! Plus as long as I achieve all B’s I’ll still be on the honor roll 🙂 which is good for scholarships and I get to graduate with the extra tassels which only means something to me, it won’t matter when applying for a job…

Dalton seems to be feeling better too! He’s still sleeping a lot between bedtime and his nap but other than that he is his normal toddler self! Hubby is sick now! Hopefully though we can get this bug out of our house and be healthy for a while! I really need a break for feeling like crap so that I can be motivated to get all my stuff done and not feel like I’m dragging butt! I can’t believe I am 16 weeks already but at the same time I feel like I should be much further along! Thank goodness for my Doppler so that I can listen and check on her whenever I want to! More on that later I have been terrible with my pregnancy updates and when I’m no longer feeling terrible and looking terrible (stupid fever blister) then I will record my next update it’s only been a month since my last update!

Holy rough week Batman!

My poor baby has been sick again… About 2 weeks ago but he got a constant cough we took him to pediatrician about a week in when it was at it’s worst… He tested positive for RSV and a double ear infection…he started getting better and then his fever came back and got worse so back to pediatrician after 9 days on antibiotics! His RSV is gone (yay!!!) bad news he has now tested positive for the flu! He also has his first fever blister and they gave him a shot of antibiotics to kick that ear infection in the butt!!! Poor guy can’t catch a break!!!

On another note! I caught something to not sure if it’s the flu or his cold that he’d had but I’ve been miserable since Saturday! I went to the care now (urgent care) and they just sent me home without testing me for the flu so who knows if I have that with Dalton but it’s been a rough week! I had to take the whole week off to take care of myself and my toddler! It’s been hard? I’m exhausted and have a giant pile of homework to do this weekend! Ready for a break from being sick!

Quitting

I’ve been struggling with balancing everything! I find myself working 7 days a week from the time I get up until the time I go to bed… And it’s been hard…

I feel constantly worn down and barely giving any effort to the things I want to give effort to such as my kids, my husband, my school and my house… I feel like I’m drowning in responsibility and barely getting anything accomplished… Trying to add work each week is stressful and draining in every way possible….

I want to enjoy life, I want to enjoy my last pregnancy. I want to enjoy this fun sweet stage that Dalton is in… I want to enjoy my husband and not just say hi or by in passing… I want to enjoy my last semester of classes and not feel like I’m barely keeping it together…

My resolution after trying to make this work for the last month is I’ve gotta cut something out… Ovbiously school, parenting, pregnancy, and wifeing have to stay so that leaves work… Things are going to he tight but i think it’ll be worth it…

First it’ll leave me an extra day to do school work so that I can have the weekends back to do family stuff and enjoy my family, pregnancy, and wifeing…

Second it’ll take a ton of stress off my shoulders!

Third my sanity will thank me later even if my wallet cries a bit ..

So at the end of the month I will be taking my last day and going on personal leave…

Headache at night

I had started getting a headache last night while I was getting ready for bed! So I climbed in bed and went to sleep as quickly as I could at 9pm… I woke up at 2am (to pee for the hundredth time) and my headache was still there and pretty bad!

How can it hurt like that while sleeping it? I’m glad it was gone when I finally had to get up for classes at 6:30 but I’m nervous it will resurface!

I hate migraines I’ve already been put down once in the last month due to a migraine and I’m to busy to take sick days right now….

Dalton’s asthma has been flared up and his daycare said he can’t come back without a Dr note so that’s another thing I have to squeeze into our crazy schedule already!!! Luckily Red owns his own business and will have Dalton at his shop so I can still go to my classes for the next 2 days and hopefully he’ll get the sign off on going back to daycare Friday so that I can go to work…