6 Months! The half birthday!

Oh my wordpress!!! My baby boy is a whole 6 months old!!! The years waiting for him dragged by! The fertility treatments dragged by! The pregnancy (especially the last 6 days) dragged by! The labor was excruciatingly slow (both physically and mentally) and now all of a sudden like the blink of an eye, he is 6 months old!

SO much has happened in the last month that I don’t even know where to begin!

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I guess the biggest one is that he said MAMA!!!!!!!!!!! he said it multiple times and I have witnesses! It was the best 2 syllable word ever! I have been waiting my whole life to hear those words in reference to me!

HE got to celebrate his first Easter which was adorable he loved watching his big brothers hunt for eggs! We put a few empty plastic ones around him and he’s pick them up yell at them and taste them it was adorable!

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HE sits up for a long time now and reaches for things but every now and then loses his balance… He hasn’t figured out how to sit from laying down but he tries if he is even slightly propped like on his boppy or leaning back on me he can sit up from there!

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He is 19 lbs and 7 oz and 28 inches long! He wears size 9-12month clothing and is so much fun!

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He gives the best slobbery kisses and hugs…

his favorite games are pass the baby and peekaboo by throwing a blanket on his head and letting him pull it off…
He loves all his toys but nothing is better than mama’s water bottle!

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He sits in his highchair during family time and got to try Pears for his 6 month bday dinner which was a hoot!

 

He rolls all over the place even during diaper changes!

 

HE is the sweetest ray of sunshine I love this little guy so much I can’t believe how big and fast the days are going!

I’m one of those people…

The kind who write about everything going on in their infertile world and then baby comes along and blogging ends up becoming a rarity! Which is sad! I love to write and it helps me clear my head but things have been so chaotic it’s been hard to do lately! I try but right now it just can’t be a priority…

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I’m in the final 4 weeks of my semester after which I will be graduating with an associates…Also I am in the process of transferring over to the university where I will finish my bachelors degree…  I have the rest of the semester coming to a close with tons of exams and projects over the next month!I have lots of paperwork completed and a few still to go to finish my application, like finding my immunization records from so very long ago! I have some Praxis exams I need to take before I can enroll in classes once I get accepted which I’m hoping to take come July! So I’m doing a ton of tedious things but soon it will all pay off!

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Dalton’s first day at the university

All of my boys seem to have a little cold but Dalton has the worst cough I think he’s passed the worst of it now but we’ve been up most nights with him sleeping on his boppy or up upright in my arms! He’s also a bit constipated poor little guy! I want to start sleep training and get him from his pack n play and into his crib but I’m going to wait on that until he’s over this cold! For now I’m trying to get him on a routine, the only problem is I need help some nights and I hate asking my husband to take over some of the bed time routine when he’s been at work all day he works 60 hours a week! But sometimes I can’t get any homework done until he gets home! He gets home, I get dinner together (most nights) we eat, then it’s bed time routine and if i’ts a difficult night I might not even get to start homework until 10pm which by then I’m ready for bed too! Full time college and taking care of an infant is exhausting! I know it will be worth it in the end don’t get me wrong but it’s not easy!!!

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Last week we had some emergency construction we had to do on our bed room and now my desk and room are all torn apart and complete chaos which only makes it hard to homework! Things have been crazy!

Don’t get me wrong I wouldn’t trade my life for anything but it has been crazy and I am one very tired and stressed mama!!!

 

5 months

Time is going so fast how is he already 5 months!!!!! I know I’m late again !!! 

So many milestones! I have so much to tell!!! 

First off Dalton has 2 teeth through the skin they came within a day of each other!!! He bit my nipple no fun!!! I can’t believe he’s already got2 teeth! My baby is growing so fast!!!!!! 

At his checkup on the 21St he was 18LBS 6oz and 27″tall he’s in the 90th percentile across-the-board! So big he’s in 6-9month clothes depending on the brand! He did okay with his shots I’m glad they are over!!! 
He rolls over but mostly from his belly to his back not as often to the other way around 

He sits for longer times but still topples over! He’s very vocal and loves to growl squeal and make all kinds of noises! He’s very talkative we have lots of conversations 

He recognizes his name and lifts his arms when he wants to be picked up! 

He’s starting to space out how frequently he eats were closer to every 3 hours instead of every 2 my milk supply I’d adjusting to it but I still need to rebuild my freezer stash after my surgery we went through a bunch of it! 

Sleep has sucked lately but I think it’s due to teething! He started sleeping in my bed after surgery because I couldn’t lift him afterwards so it was easier to feed him laying down! Now I need to get him back to his own bed and he hasn’t been happy about that that but I sleep like crap with him in my bed! 

He is definitely enjoying toys more and likes the dogs more too! He could spend hours watching the fish in our aquarium! 

He loves to blow raspberries and gives big hugs and slobbery kisses! He’s really starting to show his sense of humor! I’m still waiting on a full belly laugh! 

Even with all the teething he’s a happy little guy! 

Reading is fun!

Playing with daddy!

Blowing raspberries!

Feet are toys too!

recovering…

Surgery went well it was super fast and probably the deepest sleep I’ve gotten in a long time!!! I woke up in pain and they gave me meds and Tylenol my hubby and Dalton met me in the post op room which was great I remember thinking I just want to see them!!!

Its 5 days later and I’m still sore but its getting better each day! The hardest thing is the 15lb weight limit and having a baby over 18 lbs! They told me its okay to hold him to feed him but not to walk around with him! so we’ve both been stuck inside more than we’d like!!!

I’ve had some family and friends come help so that I can walk around and Dalton wont be stuck in bed either! 

Sunday (today) hubby’s off work so he took us to the fish store for a few reasons. 

  1. Dalton loves aquariums
  2. I’m thinking of starting my own little aquarium
  3. I’d been stuck in the house all week!

It was so nice to get out! I am sore it’s been almost a week since surgery and it has been a week since I left the house beyond walking to the mail box! 

I’m slowly getting better but I’m still taking my ibuprofen a couple times a day! I look forward to being healed and back to my normal self! 

Proud mama

So I don’t post much on my Facebook because I could photobomb and boast all day long! Yes I could be that person but I don’t so instead I use my word press and my you tube to brag to my hearts desire!

Today and yesterday were a lot of little moments that made me proud and go man o man my little guy is growing so fast!

First  this morning, he sat up for almost a whole minute! It’s only going to be a matter of time!


Last night, he rolled over from belly to back multiple times! HE has rolled over before but these times it was definitely on purpose!!!!


Doing yard work with daddy!!!

Telling me stories! 

I love those serious eyebrows! 

Today was the first time he actually napped in his Crib!!! I can’t believe it he slept for a whole hour and hubby put him to bed in there too! I’m not sure it will last all night or not but he went to bed to start in there! He’ll probably end up in the pack n play until the morning! But its a big move for both of us! HE still wakes up every couple hours to eat so I’m kinda hoping that his crib will be more comfortable than the pack n play and he will sleep for longer stretches… I’m not a fan of him not being just a foot away from me! But longer stretches of sleep would be great for both of us!

He spent the majority of the day with his daddy because I’m doing that stupid colon cleanse for surgery tomorrow! But he did great I pretty much only saw him when he got hungry! No baby break downs! I’m so proud and sad! I miss him because I haven’t spent much time with him today! I know it’s only been hours but I spend 95% of my days with him! When I do school work he’s only a few feet away except for 4 hours once a week! During that time he’s with daddy! And when I go to bed he’s in his pack n’ play next to my side of the bed.

I’m so anxious for tomorrow! I’m not liking the fact that I’ll be away from him, loopy, and in pain! I’m glad red will be home tomorrow to help out but I’m still worried! I just want my heal time to be quick! I hate pain pills more than I hate pain! So now I’m going to pack the diaper bag for tomorrow and try to sleep! 

Unpleasant

When you hear your doctor say the phrase colon cleanse you know it’s gonna be a bad day! 

I planned the surgery timing out well! Surgery is on Monday which means the colon cleanse is Sunday. Which works out well because red is home to take care of Dalton. I double check with the pharmacy to make sure I could take the meds and breastfeed. Luckily I can.

One of the biggest things that suck how about this is not being allowed eat and I am so hungry. This time tomorrow I will eat I’m looking forward to it!

 I’m really nervous about the surgery I’m not ready to be in pain 4 weeks I hope that I heal quickly and then I can get back to life as normal!!! 

I just want to be able done with the healing from labor all ready!!!! 

So much to think about

Holy cow  so many things going on right now. I’m probably going to make a list.. just because I can’t two coordinate a coherent thought.

  1. Dalton is getting so big. Nights are still rough I would love for him to start sleeping through them, but until I’m done with this semester I’m not going to stress to much about sleep training… Once my surgery is over and lifting him isn’t as big a deal anymore I’m going to try to get him to start napping in his crib…
  2. I’m going to have surgery this month and finally be able to heal from my crazy labor… they said heal time is 3-5 weeks and no exercise for 6-8 weeks…almost as long a heal time as after delivery but I’m so ready to be able to put it all behind me and just enjoy my son…I miss working out! I miss being intimate with my husband, the last 2 years have had so many restrictions on intimacy and working out that I’d like to be able to just resume life as normal again! So even though I’m nervous about the surgery and being in pain again I’m mostly just excited to finally be able to start moving forward…
  3.  my brother is going to visit this month…for a week which I’m so excited and can’t wait for him to meet Dalton! It will also be his b-day and about 2 weeks after my surgery so we will be able to go for some small easy going walks out at some pretty destinations…
  4. I have midterms next this week and then spring break next week…which is when I’m having the surgery…but mostly I’m worried about getting this week done. I had other plans for spring break but I know this surgery is important and I’d rather do it the week I have no classes than during a week that I have a ton of homework so it will be good… Healing during my R&R time is kinda a bummer especially with this wonderful weather we’ve been having but it is what it is…
  5. My oldest son is a handful my youngest son is turning into it teenager! My oldest is a giant child who is legally now an adult…he thinks this means that he can do whatever he wants without having to answer for it, in other words he is being extremely irresponsible! My youngest, is taking advantage of me not being up in the mornings with him and has been getting to school late so frequently I had to go in and have a conversation with the dean…
  6. My room needs some TLC and it’s starting to give me anxiety well mostly my desk! I tried getting a bunch of cleaning done today but then Dalton didn’t want to be put down so my full day of cleaning plan went out the window… I will get it cleaned up but it’s taking longer than planned…
  7. Even with all the stress I’m extremely happy

4 month update

Holy cow I can’t believe he’s already four months old!

4month update

Growth- 6-9 month clothes! He’s 17LBS and 27inches long!!! He’s a big baby and finally has baby rolls! 

Sleeping- 2-3 hour stretches waking up 3-6 times a night …he fights sleeps…wants to cosleep… still working on a routine that works for us… naps suck but he’s still taking then just hours apart and only for 20 minutes or so

Eating- strictly breastmilk every  2-3 hours gets distracted… plays while eating during the day… he will eat and the pull off and squeal and baby talk then eat more and he can do this for an hour!!! 

Milestones- 

  • Play date with bestie…her son is a week older and they actually interacted with each other… they were talking, smiling, and grabbing at each other it was adorable 
  • Turns his head to his name…
  • Very talkative…plays with different sounds… his favorite noise to make is a growl sound he cracks me up!!
  • He reaches for me…
  • He’s interested in our dogs…
  • loves grabbing his toes and loves grabbing things with his feet…
  • everything goes in the mouth 

Mobility – 

Wants to crawl… 

 only rolls to sides he’s gone on to his tummy a few times but never on purpose…

He’s more interest in wanting to sit up…loves sitting up…

loves grabbing things especially his feet!

…favorite toys are crinkle toys!

He also loves his playmat and exosaucer/bouncer 

He loves to go outside! A boy after my own heart! I am very outdoorsy and he seems to be too! He loves going for walks in the stroller or carrier doesn’t matter! We went out when it was warm but sprinkling and he kept looking up and smiling and talking to the rain it was the cutest thing!! 

I feel like he’s growing so fast but I love watching him grow!!! 

Full time mom and full time college…

It felt like time was already speeding by but since I started back at school it is going by crazy fast! 

I’m in my 5th or 6th week of school now and Dalton will be four months old on Wednesday! 

I can’t believe how much he’s grown already! I’ll go over that more in his 4month update! 

I thought my semester during my first trimester was hard! I was so exhausted it was hard to concentrate! My brain was consumed with thoughts of pregnancy and worry , that made it hard to focus too… it was rough I had 17 credits! 

This semester is a struggle too and I only have 12 credits! It takes me all day to do one assignment because I’m constantly juggling an infant but I wouldn’t trade it for the world!!!

I read my books out loud to him at times… I’ve taken tests while breastfeeding him! Thank god for online classes or I wouldn’t be able to do this!!! 

Some days I don’t want to work on school I just want to spend all day cuddling and caring for him… I know that finishing my education is important! There is never a good time to go back to school or switch careers but in the long run it will be better for both of us! It will provide us with more stability and more time together than my previous job did…I only have 2 years left on my degree after this semester! Which is perfect! I just need to stick it out … keep working hard and it will pay off! 

Some days are harder than others but my hardest days are still better than my previous job that felt like it was slowly killing me! I’ve been depressed a handful of times in my life and that job was depressing … I literally cried at the thought of having to go back to that sesspool! 

My hardest days of having a gassy upset baby and a deadline or exam approaching is less stressful than going to a job I despised! 

I know that when I am done with school and I’m a teacher all this hard work will be worth it!!! 

Rpl and postpartum…

I realize last night that even though I try not to think about the embryos we lost and just enjoy my little man in my arms but I can’t fully escape it. 

 When I got pregnant I was terrified I was going to lose him. The first trimester went by so slow and I was so scared. I’d like to say that it went away the further the pregnancy progressed but the truth is that I was terrified the majority of the pregnancy it did get easier but the fear never completely went away. 

 I was terrified something would go wrong during the birth even. Something did go wrong but he is here safe and healthy. But that fear never went away completely. I was terrified of SIDS I still wake up and check on him multiple times at night and he’s only an arm reach away from my side of the bed. I’ve been afraid that I’m going to hurt him somehow… not purposely hurting him…but I have nightmares or horrible images of him passing away! It keeps me up at night! I worry about things like what if I accidentally dropped him? What if when I’m taking a sip of my hot coffee he kicked me and accidentally spilled some and hurt him.

 So it is some legitimate concerns like falling asleep with him in my arms but accidentally dropping him. But some of its not so legit like the coffee thing.

 I have even worried that there was something wrong with me because I keep having these terrify thoughts of him getting hurt! I even worry about him wiggling off a bed or kicking the wooden rail on the changing table and hurting himself! 

 Then I realized that the reason I keep worrying about him getting hurt is because I’m still afraid I’m going to lose him just like I was during the whole pregnancy. Every ultrasound and every doctor’s appointment I held my breath as they would search for the heart rate. 

I didn’t realize how much my previous losses had affected me I thought I was coping with it really well. I thought I had already come to terms with  but I really think that the reason I’m still afraid isn’t postpartum depression because I don’t feel depressed and I’ve been depressed in the past and I don’t feel anything like that. So it’s not depression is just residual  feelings from previous losses. 

I lost them before I ever got to know them but it hasn’t stopped me from being afraid. The nightmares suck but maybe they will go away now that I know why I’m having them! If not I may speak to a professional! 

 Just admitting this has made me feel better because I know I’m not going to hurt my son and I’m very careful with him but that fear is there simply because of the RPL. I also know that he is going to get hurt someday because he’s a kid but that doesn’t mean it will be fatal… I can’t keep being afraid of him getting hurt! Shoot as a kid I had to visit the emergency room a few times! 

 Maybe now that I know where the fear is coming from I won’t be so afraid. I will still check on him all the time at night but I know he is healthy I know he is happy I know he is loved. Someday I will have to kiss his booboos and that’s normal I can’t wrap him in bubble wrap and I can’t keep him safe from everything! I can’t let fear control me! 

I love him so much! It is amazing and intense! I look forward to seeing him grow up! I will get too! I can’t miscarry him because he’s already here! I’m not sure if the fear of losing him will ever completely go away but hopefully it will stop haunting me…