what a bad blogger I’ve been…

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I really wanted to type a lot more over winter break but sleep training and enjoying winter break took over and I didn’t get to post as often as planned…

So heres the update…

Personal:

I’ve started another semester of school today and it is a super late class I don’t even get home until 10 pm at the earliest… Tomorrow I have another evening class but it’s no where as late as tonight’s class… Monday my class is earlier in the afternoon…my fourth class is online so it makes it easier… I’m also trying to sub 2 days a week…this semester is going to be crazy busy but I am happy to be taking the next steps in my career…

I really want to do a post on goals, plans, and hopes for the year…

I also want to get the 15 month update in the works… so hopefully I can get those done in a timely matter…

Sleep training:

Week 1- Dalton was going to sleep between 7:30-8:00pm and waking every 45 minute- 90 minutes… he would wake up and roll out of bed and meet me at his door… He was constantly nursing and calling out for me…  from 12-4 he is fighting sleep and waking frequently

Week 2- he stopped meeting me at the door and would just sit up in his bed and wait for me to come in… He would go back to sleep pretty quick and nursing 4-5 times a night… Sometimes I could get him to fall asleep in the bed but he would be very very very close to falling asleep in my arms before I put him in bed… between 2-4 he would fight going back to sleep and wake every 15-45 minutes

Week 3- He doesn’t sit up very often now he just lays in bed… I can put him back to sleep pretty quickly….still nursing 2-4 times a night… I sometimes get him down to sleep while being slightly awake… he is sleeping in 90-120 minute stretches… twice he even gave me a full 3 hours of sleep!

Week 4- is the week we are in and so far it hasn’t been that great I haven’t gotten a 3 hour stretch since last Saturday… He is sleeping about 2 hours at a time but once in a while it’s back to the 60 minute stretch… I’ve also gotten a little relaxed with trying to put him in bed asleep and need to get back on top of that… the other night my baby monitor messed up and I ended up sleeping in his room, in the reclining glider… once he realized I was there he refused to sleep anywhere but in my arms…I fell asleep for 4 hours with him in my arms and then we moved to a make shift bed on the floor because he refused to go back into his bed… today he had a hard time going to sleep but hubby had to put him down since I was at school… I don’t know if the crappy sleeping was because of me messing up the night before by sleeping in his room or if it’s because he’s not used to Red putting him down instead of me… Tomorrow I will be able to put him back to sleep and be more strict with his schedule again… It’s hard to stay strict when you are sleep deprived but I know if I let to much go then he will start reverting…

How long did it take you to sleep train your little one? What method did you use? How old was your little?

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Random thoughts about a possible baby #2?

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I’m tired but I know that he could wake up at any moment so its hard to shut my brain off and when I do finally go to sleep I sleep super lightly so that I can hear him and go to him when he needs me! which makes it hard to shut my brain off at all… or all the way…

The funny thing is that even with the lack of sleep I find myself daydreaming about the possibility of baby number 2… in my heart I don’t feel like I’m done having babies… I’m not sure if it’s because there is a chance we could make it happen again, or if its just typical baby fever that comes with having a super adorable baby that is at a really fun stage…

We will be living very frugally to make it happen but the point is that we can make it happen… Me n Red were discussing exactly what we need to do to make it happen… Looks like the next step is to contact our clinic and get a better idea of cost… not just an estimation… Then we need to start crunching what our monthly goals need to be…but right now it looks like it might be possible, not just a pipe dream…

IT will be rough to make it happen but it is obviously worth it… I’m not worried about living frugally I’m more worried about something in life happening that will cost us our savings… not necisarily all of it but enough to put the idea of baby number 2 in jeopardy…

There is a lot more to baby number 2 than just finances, (even though that is a big one). IVF is not a walk in the park it comes with its own levels of difficulties and obstacles. Also there is always the looming and terrifying threat of miscarriage… The big what if it was good luck that Dalton stuck and it wasn’t the special protocol… Will we end up going through more losses? Will we even make good embryos, that are genetically okay to even be transferred? Will we have to do multiple FETS again and hope that one sticks? What if we are gambling all this money away to end up with nothing? Will being infertile ever be easy?

We have a year to get it together… We are not getting any younger, and if we have another one we want them close in age… But I’m glad I have a year to wrestle with all of this… I would like to talk to a councilor before we start IVF again, because I have some fears and anxiety about it… but truth be told I know I am strong enough to face it again… but I need a full year to wrap my brain around all the what ifs just as much as needing a year to get the finances in order… Infertility is hard, and this time I’m not as naive as I was before… Having reoccurring miscarriages sucked big time, and I hope with all my heart that the protocol we did last time will work again when it comes time! i hope that we don’t have to go through any more losses! RPL isn’t just something that fixes itself… my body doesn’t function quite right, and I just hope that everything will work out and possibly be a little easier than it was last time!

My pregnancy with Dalton was wonderful, its getting pregnant and staying pregnant that was hard, after we passed the first trimester things got much easier… I don’t want to scare anyone away from IVF or make it sound unreasonable. One thing infertility has taught me is that hope is a strong seed once its planted, nothing is guaranteed. I just have this feeling deep inside that there is another baby waiting to join our family.

Goodbye 2017

2017 has been a crazy and wonderful year! Having Dalton has been the most wonderful experience! Watching him grow and change from a little baby into a vibrant little toddler! It has been wonderful watching him turn into the sweet little man with his own bright personality!

We’ve had some large changes in the house! Some good, some not so good, but the year has been wonderful.

My oldest son is no longer living with us, and watching him try to break out on his own as an adult has been scary! He is struggling with making good adult decisions and still being an impulsive kid.

My middle son, is transforming for a goofy kid, into a feisty teenager! He has such a big heart and bright mind. I think he will go far as long as he can stay motivated and passionate about his dreams!

My youngest is turning into such a little toddler! Every day he is more like a little boy and less like a baby boy! I love watching his little brain develop as he learns to love and explore everything he can!

My marriage has gotten tested by postpartum depression, and family drama, but we have come out stronger than ever. Even with all the craziness that has gone on around us we have managed to remain strong and in love.

My education and career is one step further towards the end goal. I’ve started part time working in the mix of going to college. I am doing better than I anticipated at the big university and I am proud of how it’s all going!

I look forward to what 2018 is going to bring us!

sleep training is kicking my ass…

so I’m in my 3rd week of sleep training and in many ways we’ve had progress and in many ways I’m reminding myself to stick it out because it will all be worth it! But it is hard! 3 weeks ago he was sleeping in my room all night and about 75% of the night he was in my bed.

Now 100% of the night he is in his room in his bed… so that is major progress…but he does wake up frequently and I’m not getting more then 2 hour stretches…

I really hope that in a month from now he’s so comfortable in his room that he is sleep through the night!

I am just so tired!

I’m nervous about sleep training and going to school, working, and driving all over the place! My awesome hubby says I need to start taking naps during the day when he does… and as much as I don’t like taking naps during the day, I really think I might need to start doing that just to make it through the semester! I know that if I stopped sleep training because of my semester it would be 16 more weeks before we could get back to it and on top of that by then he should be completely used to sleeping in his room through the night!

I just need to continue pushing through and we will get where we need to be!

Sometimes life is hard, and I’m tired…but I’m so happy to be so tired! I have dreamed of being this little mans mom for my whole life and I’m so happy to get to be here…to get to worry about sleep training and to get to snuggle and kiss my beautiful son throughout the whole day and whole night!

Sleep training saga

So about a week ago i started having Dalton take naps in his room… Somedays its smooth sailing other days ae hit some rough waters! 

Saturday night i put his mattress in his room… Unexpected guest interupted me getting the crib in here but I was determined to get him to sleep on his bed in his room… 

So about 3 hours in he bed he wanted me next to him all night but instead of taking him to my room i laid pillows on the floor next to his mattress and we slept all night in his room…

He’s easier to put back to bed this way but I’m not sure how long I want to keep his mattress on the floor! 

Should i keep the mattress on the floor? Should i put him back on his crib? Should I turn jis crib to the toddler bed? So many options! I really want to have him sleeping all night in his room before my next semester! 

Family date night and sleep training

I was trying to be spontaneous and take my hubby to dinner but that didn’t quite go as planned… So we got a gift card for a present…and then we got a coupon for a buffet at one of our favorite buffets… My oldest son and mother in law wanted to come visit so I thought the stars were aligning for a spontaneous date night!

I was wrong!

I am not a spontaneous person… I love to have fun, but I love to plan…so spontaneous isn’t a word I’d ever use to describe myself… maybe my hubby but not me…

So then my oldest got called in for an interview and MIL was the one who was taking him…the buffet closes at 8 and she called to say she wouldn’t make it til after 7….

so our date night turned into a family date night…we ended up taking Dalton and Adin with us and it was great! Dalton loved all the people and the music he was dancing and waving and talking to the people around us… Adin had fun trying new foods and talking our ears off (he gets the rambling from me lol) But it turned out to be a great night…

On another note today I set up the pack n play in Daltons room and moved my glider chair into his room as well. He even took his first nap in his room…He slept for around an hour! I’m going to try to get him to take his naps in there for the next several days and once he gets more comfortable with taking his naps in there we’re going to start his night time sleeping in there…

Which is the part I’m expecting to be the most difficult… I’m hoping now that he’s a little older and sleeping a little better through the night that it won’t be as difficult as the first time we tried!

I work Thursday so I might just wait until Friday night to start the transition…or I might wait until after Christmas I haven’t decided yet…but I’m hoping to have the transition completed before I go back to school… Which might be a big wish…I go back in 4 weeks! Hopefully I’m not dreaming to big! I love my little man with all my heart! I will seriously miss him cuddling with me all night…but I really want him to sleep through the night and I really want to be able to sleep through the night! Wish us luck! Tomorrow is day#2 of naps in his room!

 

Mama kinda day

I’d dreamed of the day I’d have my own child! I dreamed of having a clingy mama’s boy for a long time! 

Even though I didnt get anything done having my grumpy one year old giggle, say mama, and snuggle into my arms to nurse warms my heart so much! All day he fussed and wanted to be in my arms or to sit in my lap while he played… He was so clingy that my todo list got completely tossed out…and you know what? I loved it! 

My husband got a little disappointed when Dalton cried because i walked away leaving him with his dad… And although i felt bad that he wouldn’t let anyone but me comfort him, I’m also happy to finally be at this point in my life! 

For years i dreamed of having my own little one that just wanted his mommy and I’m so happy to finally be here!! 

I dont know if there will ever be a ivf #2 or not… I’m not sure if I’m brave enough or have the emotional strength to possibly go through miscarriages again… What I do know is that being Daltons mommy is everything I ever dreamed of and I’m happy for each and every day even the cranky get nothing done kinda days!!

Another semester over!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today was my final, final!!! WOOTWOO!!!!

It was a very difficult week! Not because of finals, but because me and Dalton caught a bug! Coughing, upset stomachs, spit up, runny noses, sore throats and fevers! IT has been exhausting! But I made it through, and today was my last exam! Tomorrow I am free to be sick and lounge around!

Well kinda, Monday I felt like I was dying! Tuesday I wasn’t dying but I was miserable, luckily my mom dropped everything as soon as she got off work and came to help me with Dalton. Adin was a big help too! Wednesday I was feeling a bit better but Dalton seemed to be feeling worse. Then 2 am Thursday morning he was burning up with a temp of 101.3 degrees so I was up a good chunk of the night with him… All day he seemed to be fighting a fever! So tired and grumpy and running around like a mad man! I gave him meds at 1:30 and his temp stayed down until about 8:30 where it rose back up to 99.6 so not as bad I gave him so meds and put him to bed…I’m hoping he’s past the worst of it now!!!

I went to take my final at 6pm and finished around 7:15 by the time I was done I felt like I had been working my butt off all day! This cold is seriously kicking my ass!!

But I’m so happy I have pushed through and I’m done! My first semester at a big university and I think I kicked butt!!! I’m looking forward to being one step closer to where I want to be!

I’m also happy that I can start substitute teaching an days I don’t have class so that I can make a little dough on the side…pay for a few bills and gas all while getting classroom experience and making contacts with different schools!

Once again this post is shorter than I wanted because I’m tired and ready to crash!

But you know whats awesome?

I’m on winter break and don’t have to worry about homework at all for like a month!!!!!!!!!

Sick during finals…

I want to finish this semester strong but instead I caught a bug! I’ve been pretty sick the last couple of days! Yesterday was hell, today was a bit better but I’m exhausted, coughing, and my stomach has not been happy…

Poor little man has a non stop running nose and a cough! I’ve been giving him breathing treatments and using the bulb to suction out his boogers! He cries like I’m abusing him any time he even see’s the stupid booger grabber (that’s what we call it), I feel so bad for him. Hopefully we both start feeling better ASAP

Monday I was so sick I thought I was going to pass out, I called my professor and told her how horrible I felt, and she let me take the exam online! Such a sweetheart! I’m really happy because I felt like I was going to pass out just walking from my couch to the bathroom, I was in no condition to be driving across town!

Today was a little better, my brain didn’t hurt like it did yesterday my congestion was so horrible it was giving me a terrible headache. My mom came over yesterday and made my family dinner and helped me with Dalton…She came over again today so that I could finish writing my 10 page report, Dalton loves my mom so it made it pretty easy, but I am so happy that she helped me I don’t think I would have been able to get my paper done with out her!

Tomorrow I have to study for my last final of the semester! I’m really looking forward to being done! Thursday night I will be officially done! Thank goodness! I’m really looking forward to not have to drive across town every day for a little while!

Well this is a lot shorter then planned but I’m exhausted and going to try to get some sleep before little man wakes up!

New car…new frustrations

So first off my pathfinder is having issues. One of the big issues being that it’s gas efficiency has gone way down. I’m spending close to the car payment every month just in gas and every year I’m spending a lot of money on a repair.

 So we went looking for a car and found one super great deal that we couldn’t pass up on. However I am so not looking forward to a car payment again. The Pathfinder was paid off and I was very happy about that. I just went back to work and I’ve already committed myself to a monthly payment I must be crazy.

 Now for the frustration. Several years ago we had a home break-in and my Social Security was stolen so I had to put red red flags of up acrossed all the credit bureaus and IRS which means that getting a loan has been a pain in the ass.

 Already filled out all the paperwork and have the car sitting in my driveway dealership calls me and tells me they’re having difficulties because of the red flags. I’m frustrated because I thought it was already settled before I drove off the car lot. Now I’m afraid to get to attached to the car when things aren’t a hundred percent settled away. So freaking frustrating. My husband keeps assuring me that things will get worked out but I’m nervous.

 Then last night we had a ton of family over and I had a a couple glasses of wine which I don’t normally do but I did. And Dalton wakes up and wants to nurse and I can’t because I had a couple glasses of wine and he starts coughing and sound sick and I can’t nurse my baby. Talk about feeling like piece of s*** mom. Cue the mom guilt!