Bad blogger… big update

So I have been a bit of a terrible blogger lately! Sorry!!! I have actually been doing pretty good at my youtube channel as far as posting but writing i haven’t been doing quite as much… Which honestly I love writting it really helps me destress and process whatever is going on in my life…

Things are all going well right now but so many things have been going on I’m going to break it down in sections because then I wont feel quite so overwhelmed with it all.

Lets start with Dalton.

Dalton went back to school and I feel so guilty that he is at school so much but it will be the same schedule that he will be on while I’m in student teaching and the sooner he’s on a schedule the better. Hubby has been dropping him off in the morning so that Sunday isn’t as exposed to so many germs that live in daycares… Dalton seems to enjoy being back at school. He is also doing really good at potty training and is no longer wearing diapers during nap time. We recently took the child locks off his door so that he can use the toilet in the middle of night if need be… I do worry about him getting into the rest of the house while everyone sleeps but so far so good. I’m so proud of him and so surprised I expected potty training to back track when we brought Sunday home but so far so good. I have my fingers crossed that he continues to do well! I would love to have him completely potty trained… He did already bring home a daycare virus and it sucked but luckily it seemed to pass through the house quickly! 

Sunday

She is doing well still a little congested from the cold but for the most part she is doing good. She is starting to give me a 4-6 hour stretch of sleep in the night! Which is so opposite from Dalton I have many posts about his lack of sleep! She is now in 0-3 month close and is too long for most of the newborn clothes other than a few dresses… She’s smiling now which is the best thing ever! She can also hold her head up for a long time it always surprises me! She is awake more often so I’m getting a lot more time with her! I feel like our bond is growing stronger every day and I love it so much! Everything feels easier this time around but I am also glad this is my last child. I am enjoying my family and I look forward to where our lives will go from here! 

Me… 

I feel better for the most part but I’m 6 weeks and 5 days post partum and still wipe and find bright red blood… it worries me and I am looking forward to seeing my midwife on tuesday to find out if it is something I should be concerned about… I’ve started pumping once a day and I donate the milk to another baby whose mother is not producing enough and is working with lactation councilors to try to increase her supply… I found out that she has another woman donating as well which is great and takes some of the pressure of me… now I will start putting aside some milk for Sunday aside and donate and not feel guilty… Other than all of that I feel like I should be able to do more than  I can and I’m really looking forward to getting the green light to take baths and be intimate with my hubby! I am doing well mentally, which I was soooo concerned about after having post partum depression with Dalton but so far so good… It is really weird not being in classes this semester though… but I am enjoying my maternity leave but I am still very motivated to go back and finish my degree! I’m also enjoying all the little things. Like getting Sunday to smile, reading to Dalton, organizing and rearranging my house, getting ready to decorate for fall, having the master bedroom and bathroom, not having in laws living with me, and just enjoying life. I’m taking it all in and loving every second of it! 


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Tired…

By the afternoon I can hardly keep my eyes open I am so tired… I feel bad because I count down the time til hubby gets home so that I can go lay down with Sunday and take a break from the other kiddos… Don’t get me wrong I love them they are amazing but a toddler and teenager wear me out! I’m glad the teen went back to school this week… Dalton still has 2 weeks til he goes back to school and while I love all this time with him I am exhausted!

Other then being tired from the newborn stage recovery has been going so much better than I anticipated! I really think by 12 weeks I’m going to feel like myself which is half the time it took me to recover last time!

The birth of Sunday Everly

IT was such a wonderful day! I was terrified of the major surgery but it wasn’t as bad as I feared! We got there at 5:30 and another lady ended up needing a csection so ours got postponed but only by 40 minutes… They took me n red back, he had to wait outside while they did the spinal and prepped me… then he came in and I started crying… I was so scared that I might feel it, because I expected to not feel my toes but I could feel tingling it was so weird… I was afraid that something might go wrong, and I was excited to meet my daughter… so I sat there unable to move crying silently, Red held my head and comforted me and wiped away my tears and reminded me to breath and stay calm…

Then I could feel crazy pressure like someone was standing on my rib cage, it was hard to breathe for a few seconds and then my midwife started telling me about Sunday how she had hair and was wiggling her fingers around… Then I heard her cry and I was balling for a different reason, there was no more fear just relief and happiness… Sunday Everly was born at 8:30 am on August first weighing 7lbs even and 19 inches long with a full head of hair… at first it looked red but once it dried it was brown…

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This birth was so much easier than the one with Dalton… I’ve been in less pain then I was with Dalton and less anxiety… This has been a much better recovery and I hope that it continues that way…

Breastfeeding has also been a lot easier this go around… No nipple shields this time! It’s been sooo much smoother… I hope it continues to be an easier process… I do still worry about getting post partum depression like I had last time but only time will tell and this time I feel like I can handle it better because I know how to recognize the signs and will reach out for help much much much sooner… no reason to suffer through and push on like I did last time… of course I am hopeful that I wont get it at all… but only time will tell

Hours away

My csection is only hours away… It could get delayed if someone else has an emergency csection so I’m not quite counting down the hours but it is supposed to be happening tomorrow! I can’t believe it is so soon! I posted my final pregnancy update today… it was bittersweet! I’m nervous and happy, scared and excited!!!!

With Dalton I was just so anxious to get him out and hold him but a lot of that had to do with not trusting my body to do what it needed to do… I have a lot more trust in my body this go around… I have a lot less fear and anxiety that I had last time around…

This time the nerves are all about the worry of a major surgery and the recovery time from a major surgery… combined with heal time is having a toddler and newborn to take care of and that is what has me nervous…

Mostly I am just excited to see this little girl, to see her and hold her and snuggle her! I can’t wait to see her with her brothers, and my parents… but mostly I just can’t wait to see her with Rob… I am so happy that we will have a daughter… I’m so excited that we will have 2 kids close in age!!!!

I’m just so excited and a bit emotional thinking about this part of our journey being over!!!! I’m so excited to see where the next part of our journey goes!!!! I’m excited to start this portion of our life!!!

 

3 nights

Thats all we have left!!! 3 nights!!! I can’t believe it everyday we get closer and I’m still walking on cloud nine that this is our reality!!! Don’t get me wrong I feel very very very pregnant! To the point of discomfort and I’m so happy that I don’t have to wait 2 more weeks because I feel ready to meet her, and ready to be done being so uncomfortable…

I realize I haven’t done a 38 week update… I still need to do my video for it too! So I will try to get it done tomorrow!!!

Weight gain 30lbs

Symptoms- exhausted, huge, sciatica pains, baby has dropped and her movements are very low and very painful! Contractions are almost painful now and I honestly dont think she would be late if were were going natural… We will never know since I’m having a csection but i’m slightly worried that she won’t wait until Thursday and I really want her to be born in August since my family has no August babies!!!

Maternity clothing barely fits and my belly has dropped and belly button has popped to the point that I really don’t think anything fits comfortably anymore!

Name: Yes, Sunday Everly I also kinda want the intial K in there but hubby doesn’t like 2 middle names… so we will see, but at this point I doubt it!

My feet are swollen when standing to much, but I’m doing well with low blood pressure… I really dont think I will have to deal with preE…

I’m super tired all the time and I am looking forward to getting to hold her in the next couple of days and start recovering instead of constantly getting bigger and more uncomfortable…

I am so very excited to meet my daughter!!!

First night in our new room!!!!!!

I can’t tell you how awesome it is to finally have our room done! We still have some organizing and decorating to do down the road but it is done!!! Everything else will come with time! Tonight we get to sleep in our room for the first time! The bathroom is completely done and I just got out of an amazing hot shower! It was amazing I’m so very happy that we finally get to the place where we get to enjoy our room, and bathroom! This change really signifies so many other wonderful changes in our life!!! Things that I have dreamed of and looked forward to for a long time… 

The room is just a room, but it siginifies a new kind of freedom in our relationship. A wonderful new era where our parenting is only ours, no grandparent undermining us… Jean held a special place in hubby’s heart as a mother figure in his llife, but she constantly underminded our parenting and had the kids lie to us for her own gain and would do so by bribing them and I always feared how this would play out as the kids got older… it turned out to be bad, not that I expected it to be good… but I really didn’t want that influence on our other children… with the younger set we won’t have this influence on them on a daily basis… grandparents bribing and holding secrets with grandkids is fine once in a while but not on an everyday basis and with certain things that would become worse as the secrets grew and became frequent… 

The new room signifies an end or one era and the beginning of a new one… I am so happy to begin this era, I am so excited that Dalton and Sunday will not have that in their lives… I’m so happy that our home is only our home… 

It may sound cold, cruel, ungrateful even but it is how I feel… day after day, for 10 years has been a long time to endure a lifestyle I constant disagreed with. I held my tongue always unless it had something to do with the children. Like waking them up in the middle of the night on a school night to pick up something, cook something, fix something. To force the kids into chores that weren’t age appropriate to save herself money to avoid having to pay a little extra to the CNA. Those were just the regular day to day things that I constantly talked to her about. Boundaries and guidlines but many times I was ignored… 

I’m so happy to never have to do that again… Not on the day to day basis. However, This post was not supposed to be a rant or a rave and it will be the last time I complain about the way things were… because tonight marks a new beginning a new era and I will never have to deal with those things again so from now on I will look forward. I will look ahead to the future that holds us and enjoy all that is to come… 

3 more days I will have my daughter home with us! And this new family will grow and be a single unit and I couldn’t be more excited!!! 

Played hookie!

My parents are away and they left my moms meds at home and she needs those they are about 2.5 hours away so we met up half way had lunch and I dropped off the meds… I didn’t want to drive far so I convinced my bestie to do the drive with me… She had her son who is less than a week older than Dalton… sooo Dalton played hookie from school and came with us for the little day trip!

It was great we met up with my parents had lunch, and then the boys were getting so restless that we took them to the park… We happened to be in the same small town that I got married at so we went to the same park and right next to the park was a splash pad and it was soooooo much fun… it had several sprinkler areas shooting water and it had an nice little wadding area with flowing water that was only about 5-8 inches deep so we played there for almost 2 hours before shoving the boys back in the care for the 90 minute drive back home…

As soon as we got in the car Dalton crashed and took his nap for the day which was great, other than the fact that I was tired and got no nap since he didn’t sleep once we were home… but it was still relaxing and the heat wore him out enough that when he got home I was able to put a movie on and we cuddled on the couch and he got up and down and quietly played with some toys and alternated between lying on the couch with me and playing with his toys…

With all the chaos that has been in the house the last couple of weeks it was nice getting to get out and just play!!! It was good for me n Dalton, I haven’t been able to play as much because getting up and down from the floor is hard now and he doesn’t want to play at the table or on the couch with me… Then with all the renovating we are doing we’re constantly working instead of just playing and I feel like he hasn’t been getting as much attention as he is used to which has caused some acting out and some extra tantrums… We got home and I know he was beat from the heat and all the play but he was really well behaved as well and I’d like to think that it’s because he had my undivided attention all day… We were able to just play instead of getting bored being at home all day while I cook, clean, renovate, baby prep… It was great! We both needed that bonding/relaxing time… I’m so happy that we got that opportunity before his sister arrives in less than a week!!!

Tomorrow I’m hoping to get some cleaning done, but I also want to just plan something for the 2 of us to do like a craft… and all though I do that a lot with him I think it will be fun to paint, glue, and cut something tomorrow… although I think the physical exertion had a lot to do with him having so much fun and being so well behaved in the first place… I will also fill up his water table and turn the misters on in the morning so we can go outside before it gets too hot…

 

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One week

In one week I will be holding my little girl in my arms!!!

This time I next thursday i will be in a hazy druggy exhausted bliss!!!

One week I will be embarking on the next chapter of my life!!!

5 years ago I wasn’t sure I’d ever get to have a biological child and now i will have my second and last child! Our family will be complete with 3 boys and a girl!

I feel so lucky!

I truly hope that anyone still has on the throes of infertility will get to reach this point to!

Busy but excited…

Tomorrow is going to be a busy day! I’m super excited though!

First I have a midwife appointment and I want to ask her what day I should expect to be leaving the hospital after my c-section so that I can plan out childcare for my toddler…

We got the tile and grout completely finished in the bathroom! YAY!!!! Tomorrow the carpet people come to install my carpet and hubby plans to put the toilet and sink back into the cabinet so yay!!! I should have my bathroom finished and we can start moving in there!!! I totally plan to start moving my clothing into the closet tomorrow!!!

So excited!!! We are so close to everything… the room being finished… baby girl being here… the bathroom being finished… Reds new shop being finished!!! YAY!!!

 

no longer need permission…

For the first time in my 11 year relationship with my hubby it is just us… Now we have kiddos but that’s not what I’m talking about… the first year of our relationship we kept our relationship a secret for many reasons… I have a large very involved family, we were friends prior to our relationship and both new each others families well… He had 2 kids that I had a friendship with and didn’t want them to get hurt if the relationship ended and we decided to go back to just being friends… in 2010 we moved into together unexpectedly because my living arrangements would have had me either move 500 miles away or stay in the city we live in but be homeless so Red offered me his home but he already had 2 kids and Jean living with him… so it was never our home… it wasn’t until we got married in 2013 that I felt like the house was my house as well… in 2014 I actually put a picture from our wedding on the wall and it was my first and only decoration contribution to the house…. even then I had to run it by Jean and get my hubby opinion instead of being able to just do it…

it has always been this way and even something as simple as rearranging the refrigerator was something I had to run by all the members of the household… so even though my home and life has been in this house for the last 9 years I never really felt like it was my house… or that I had a normal married free will of decorating and rearranging the house as I wanted to… I always had to run it by my hubby and Jean… the only reason I ran it by hubby first was to see if it was something Jean would even be okay with… it’s been like having to ask permission to live and do mundane things…

I’m excited for us to not have to run things by a third person… Jean did not like change and even the simple things would bother her and she would never drop it, like rearranging the pantry or changing around pictures on the wall… So doing anything felt like a negotiation… I don’t like conflict so if it was a fight to change something I just wouldn’t do it… I dealt with the negotiation side of things out of respect and curtsy for everyone in the house… I cannot tell you how refreshing it is to not have to do that… to not have to explain why you want to change the pictures or rearrange the furniture… I can simply do it!

Paying all the bills, doing all the adult things, being responsible, working our asses off, raising children and yet still we had to ask permission to do the most normal mundane things… No longer do I have to ask permission…. and I am so very very very excited to just live a normal married life!!!