Homeschooling and life…

Well once we made the decision to homeschool our youngest the next morning and that was almost a month ago! I have been getting the run around for weeks but this week they finally accepted all the paperwork and after 5 calls back to back they actually answered the phone! So now we are just waiting on the parent orientation/training and then he will be starting most likely on November 9th. Which is great! I’m happy it’s getting going I am much happier about this plan then to let him stay in a school that will kill his joy for learning! First time ever he has gotten bad grades part of that is him adjusting but the other part is the school…. It’s a long story and I’m not getting into it tonight… I come from a family of teachers and I am going to school to become an elementary teacher myself! I normally support the school and teachers but his has not been good!

I only have 2 days left of BCP which means sometime in the next week I will be on my period which is fine with me because it means we are getting started on our next cycle!

I have a pretty necklace I got from my sister it’s a little glass bottle filled with fairy dust so I’m wearing my “baby dust” as my good luck token throughout this round!!! I hope that our next 2 FET’s both result in beautiful babies and that they will be a year or two apart!

For now I’m only really focusing on the baby stuff in the evening when I’m able to relax for the day. Which is now at night before I go to bed… I’ve been watching MASH I forgot how much I love this show! (sorry random I know).

I really think school will be a great distraction from over analyzing everything…. I can’t wait to get started!! Well I feel like I am already started since I had to take the BCP and it makes me feel so crappy! Luckily I didn’t gain weight this time… During with the first round of BCP I gained 5lbs, stimming for Egg retrieval I gained 15 lbs, During round 2 of BCP I gained another 5lbs and the last round of BCP before the FET I gained another 5lbs so I am very happy to report that this round of BCP I have not gained any weight!

Infact I have lost 7lbs before I started this round and I have managed to maintain that weight… I’m not worried about it too much I just want to gain the weight during pregnancy not before lol… In just 3 short weeks I will be pregnant but this time I plan to stay that way 🙂

Well it is late and I am babbling so that’s all folks 🙂

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4 days of BCP left :)

I have four days left of BCP and I am done! I am starting to adjust to it better which is good since I’ll be off of it soon… Then I get to start the fun stuff! I’m still a bit nauseous but for me the BCP is one of the meds that give me the most side effects! I will be happy to be done with it!!! I will be even happier when my skin doesn’t look like I’m going through puberty again…

I will be even happier to go in and talk to the dr and find out when I will be starting the next meds I think I will be starting estrodial first around Day 3 and then Progesterone about 5 days before embryo transfer! I will need to order it and learn how to inject it myself or with help from my Best friend or my mom either way I know I will have enough help that I will be fine! I was nervous about the progesterone shot but I think I will be fine…After icing my toushee I didn’t even feel the HCG shot so I am sure that it is not the shot that will hurt…the muscle might be sore the next day or later but the actual shot I am not afraid of anymore… I’m still a little nervous about the day I will have to do it myself because with needing to do that many shots there is going to be a day that I have to do it on my own! That is the only day I am nervous about! But I’m sure by then I will be a lot more used to it and it won’t be so bad!

I’m sure time will fly by and I will be done doing the progesterone about the time I get comfortable with doing it myself lol! I am so excited about this cycle but I have only really been thinking about it around the time for bed because that is the only time I have to think about it!

By Monday my youngest should be starting homeschooling and I am happy that we are finally getting it going! I know that he will do good with homeschooling. I am happy that it is next week though because I have 2 exams I have to take down at the college this week! But most of my work is all done from home so next week is going to be easier for getting him started than this week.

My mother in law is home and on the mend! Red is on the mend to but he says he wants to go back to work on Monday but the dr. thinks he should wait another week so we will see how this all goes… I don’t want him to hurt himself worse but I understand where he is coming from!

This next month is going to fly by which is fine with me I just can’t wait to get that positive test and it is coming soon! In a month we will be pregnant!!!

Happy Anniversary…

When I first met my Husband he was just a friend down the street to BS with after a hard day at school and work… He was in a bad relationship and I was in the middle of a family crisis and trying to figure out what direction I was going to aim my life with…

I began my dreams bright eyed and hopeful and he began the journey of being a single dad with full custody and a full time career… My parents split and I was left with no roof over my head… He was struggling since his youngest was still to young for preschool and his oldest son still needed full time supervision… We had become best friends over the 6 yrs leading up to 2010 and decided we could be roommates and solve each others problems… 7 months later everything changed and I began to realize that I loved my friend more than just a friend…

After our first date I knew this was the man I was meant to spend my life with…there was a reason for years I’d always felt happiest when we were together just enjoying each others company… 4 years after living together in bliss and happiness he proposed to me kneeling down on his broken knee at the time and enduring an NFL worthy tackle of a “yes”!

9 months later…2 years ago today we said I DO on the most beautiful ceremony! The wedding was a great expression of our union and love for eachother! I can close my eyes and picture it just like it were yesterday!

You are still my best friend and my husband! You are my partner in crime and my heavenly angel! I love you and always will!

Shortest time on BCP and good news

So good news first! My mother in law had her surgery and is now home and healing! I feel bad that she is in pain from the surgery but I happy that they were able to do it and save her life! Now she can get better and have a better quality of life!!! HOORAY!!!

This was the first morning in a week that I have woken up and not felt the urge to throw up! Not because of morning sickness of course it’s just the birth control pills that I have decided my dr. gives me them just to make sure I am ready for morning sickness because they suck! Luckily, I have 8 days left of taking the pills and then I get to quit those nasty suckers! WOOHOO!!!! Which means that I will have only been on them for 16 days which seems to make this cycle go by quicker!!!

I had a ttc sister tell me to stop saying what if and start claiming this next pregnancy and “speak it into existence” I love this philosophy but it is a little harder than said (as always!) so I am trying to change my wording and hopefully with it keep my thought process in a positive direction!

Every time I have a what-if thought I just tell myself that I will be pregnant and staying pregnant after this next cycle… This may not be the healthiest or most realistic approach but it is what I am doing… I just want to enjoy ttc and being pregnant and if I let myself I will worry all the joy out of everything!

I’m nervous about the progesterone shots but with all the accidents in the family lately we just don’t have the spare funds to do the crinone so we are doing the PIO shots and I am a bit nervous about that! but I think it is doable and I will figure it out I have the help of my mom and bestie so that will be nice…  I still want to talk to the dr. about an antihistamine regimen that is safe to do while ttcing and hopefully that will help with all the allergies from the aspirin and other stuff…

I am so excited to get this cycle going I know that in a month we will be pregnant again! I need to call my clinic soon to find out about how long in advance I need to order the progesterone! I’m not sure which day I’m going to start it on but I do know that last time I started it like 5 days before transfer which is the typical protocol I guess… which means that I would have to start that around the 13th or so depending on how the check up’s go!

There are lots of amazing things that will be happening soon! This weekend is busy enough with Sunday being my Oldest birthday which he will be 17! Crazy! Then Monday is our anniversary! So this weekend will be pretty fun! I’m over half way done with my semester! I have a lot to do next week by the time my week is over it will be time to quit the bcp and enjoy halloween!

This is going to be a super busy time of year but I really love this time of year so hopefully that will balance out the stress! I don’t feel all that stressed right now even though I know I am! Life is good even when the storms pour!

Grilled cheese sandwhiches and chickflick French Kiss

French Kiss is one of my all time favorite love stories I laugh I smile I love it!!!! and of course I love me some Kevin Kline and Meg Ryan!

So of course since I am up to late again I might as well enjoy a grilled cheese sandwich and French kiss!!!

I almost always think that I am over reacting about situations and I am probably right 50% of the time…so when I remember back at the nausea and shakiness from past rounds of BCP I tend to think oh I was over exaggerating in my memories…until I start BCP again… man it’s the same every time I get nauseous and shaky and it sucks as long as I have a little food in my belly I am okay but when my stomach gets too empty  I feel gross… I imagine thats alot like what the first trimester is going to feel like… so I deal with it and smile that this will make morning sickness easier to handle!

I will be surprised if I don’t get morning sickness with how bad of indigestion I already have lol

I’m a little nervous about how busy life will be around the time of transfer but I am staying hopeful that the business will help me not over analyze and think to much about the pregnancy and possibilities! I want to have only happy positive baby making thoughts I want to stay too busy to have doubts! I don’t know how well this plot of mine is going to work but I am going to stay super hopeful!

This time around I am going to keep one of my sisters in the loop for real life support and then I will get the excitement of sharing the news with everyone when the time comes… the only problem is that I’m not telling the sister I’m closest too and I don’t want her feelings to get hurt but she’s the one I want to tell the most and the one that would be disappointed the most for me so I don’t want to put her through another roller coaster cycle or stress about being able to tell her I … so I figure telling my oldest sis will help bring us a little closer and will provide me with the sister support that I need… idk it’s hard to explain…It was the hardest to tell the one I was closest too when we had bad news so I just wanted to not worry about that again and then when we get our positive test I want to jump around with excitement with her instead of crying and devastated… idk I doubt I will be able to keep this secret from her lol and if I feel like the secret is more stress than I will cave in…

I am so excited about peeing on a stick! I am so excited about this up and coming cycle and pregnancy! I’m excited to be able to move forward with our lives and start planning for the future we have always dreamed of! And all of that is with in our reach! One more month and we will be pregnant again! And this time it’s going to be a sticky little bean and fill our hearts with joy! I have faith in our doctors and faith in our embryos! I just have faith!

Homework free weekend…

This is the first weekend in a while that I am completely homework free… Well I had to do homework this morning but I finished it up and now I am homework free…

First I went to my friends babyshower and Red went with me I had a couple glasses of wine and then we headed home… It was really fun…of course it keeps me thinking and wondering when it will be our time…

Sometimes I have hard time talking to my hubby about it because he ends up feeling guilty that I’m not pregnant and that it’s not an easy road…especially now that I am going to have do a bunch more shots again! The last thing I want to do is make him feel guilty…I have looked at it as an obstacle that we have to overcome…not something that he is preventing but I know he has a hard time doing that… he thinks that if he’d never gotten a vasectomy that we would probably already have a few kids but idk I can’t see into any alternate universes to know that’s how it would be but I know how it is and I go with that because I can’t wish for the what if’s that will never happen…

So sometimes when I’m feeling like “when will it be our turn” kinda day I just try not to say anything to him about it….I wouldn’t want to have a child so badly if it weren’t for him… Now don’t get me wrong I have always known that I wanted to be a mom but the fact that I want it right now has to do with my amazing husband and awesome stepsons…if I didn’t have them in my life I wouldn’t be as in such a hurry… I really wanted to have a baby before my oldest son left home and hopefully that is still a while away but he is in his junior year and we are not pregnant so things aren’t looking like he will get a lot of time with his sibling in the same house hold which makes me sad…

But I know that they will still have a good relationship regardless of age…me and my sisters have many different age differences from 2 yrs -12 years and we are all close! I was closer growing up to the one closest to my age but as an adult I feel close to all of them and I think we all have decent relationships…

I’m am a bit nervous to go into this next cycle with Red being hurt right now and my MIL in the hospital again but like Red said we have put off our IVF journey so many times for so many reasons and honestly life doesn’t seem like it’s going to be peaceful enough to get started at trying any time soon nothing is ever going to line up perfectly like some giant sign from the universe saying okay here’s your green light…He said he is tired of waiting for something we want so badly and since we have a 9 month wait once we get pregnant things will probably be completely different then they are right this second… And he’s right things will be better in 8 months… which like he said will all balance out just fine even if I don’t get things to line up for the universe to have neon lights that say do it right now things will work out!

I believe in this! I’m a little nervous and a little scared but the only time you can be brave is when you are afraid.

Well thank you for making it to the end if you managed to decipher all my babble you should win an award.

Updates

This week is crazy not as crazy as last week but damn….I think this week’s crazy is all a repercussion from last week. So Monday red went to work by the time he got home he could barely move. He went in on Tuesday but was in horrible shape when he got home. Wednesday we were back at the doctor. They told him he needed to take allergy a week off til we get all the results from the mri and that he may end up with more time off depending on the results…
     Finally on CD34 my period started so today is day three and I start the birth control… I was hoping to do more of a natural cycle without the nap but with all the holidays there is no natural cycles until after new year…
   I was really worried about all the craziness and trying another round but Red wanted to stick to our plans… He said if he ends up needing surgery it could be months before he’s better and he doesn’t want to keep waiting… He said it would be awesome to have the best news for Christmas… So we are going to go through with our plans and hope for a November miracle…
As far as home schooling the program we want to enroll with may not have any spots until after the semester change so we will wait til then I think…
In the next couple of weeks I’m going to take a math exam and if I score high enough then I can skip my next math class I would love to do that so I’m going to study a bit and then test my luck!

Just reading back…

My period is suppose to be here already… and I should be asleep already! but neither of these things has happened yet…so instead I’m writing this incoherent blog…

I was reading back through the last time I was waiting for an FET and when we were within a month of our transfer date I was so excited I might as well of had a permanent sugar rush…This time I am excited but I feel more at ease… this will probably change the closer we get to the actual transfer day but right now I am very calm about the whole thing…

I am looking forward to getting it started and of course to be pregnant and continue our family! I really want that more than I can even begin to express but I’m not on edge…I’m not wired with excitement like last time but maybe that’s a good thing maybe I’m not as stressed because I was terrified of it failing and that already happened so this time I’m not as nervous?…. I’m excited! I really am!

IDK last time I felt like I was on pins and needles going crazy for time to tick by and this time I’m like really period why are you late is it so that I have a few more days of wine drinking? mmm wine… 🙂

but seriously I am excited and I’m sure I will go nutso during the tww…I’m just not driving myself crazy! Maybe all this school work will help keep me busy enough that I’m not on pins and needles this whole time…

Maybe this calmness will be a good way to avoid stressing too much! I mean don’t get me wrong the last week has been a doozie with the MIL in the hospital, eldest step son in the hospital and then Red getting a car smashing into his shop hurting him… this week has had a lot of stress even though we weren’t in a cycle at all so hopefully luck will be on our side and no one will be hurt in November!

I really hope this next cycle works out!

I have WordPress on my phone

So this is probably no big deal to most of you but I finally have an up to date phone and I’m writing this post on it my old phone would have been hell! I still prefer typing on my laptop…
The only reason I’m even up is because I had to take my oldest to a school function by 4am and haven’t been able to go back to sleep.  So instead I’ve been playing on my phone…

Hehe I love it now unfortunately you’ll probably hear even more from me.

Accidents and Homeschooling…

First off I was homeschooled throughout part of my education. So I see no problems from homeschooling as long as the parent makes sure the student is getting the proper education and social environment. In other words the student should be taught based on an actual curriculum and there are extra curricular opportunities that allow for the normal social activities…

Also both of my parents are teachers and live 2.5 miles away also I am working on becoming a teacher myself… So I feel that I have all the right tools to provide a positive education for my kids…

Accidents this week some asshole drunkenly smashed into my husbands office and my husband was hurt in the accident!!!! He is okay! on the mend at least… he sprained all his back and neck muscles. hurt his ribs and hip on the right side and is just a mess… it was scary as hell but I’m glad he’s home… I’m even making him chicken and dumplings for dinner…

Homeschooling…

Well my youngest step son is now in the same horrible terrible middle school that my oldest went too. Also it is 5 years later and my youngest is having the same problems with the school. The school has some good traits of course but I think it might be easier to just homeschool my son and keep his love for school growing than to let this school crush his desire for learning the same way that it did for my oldest son. After my oldest got away from that school he did wonderful just like he did before he went to that school!

So this weekend I will be looking into several different homeschooling options and pursue this as soon as we can. Looks like i will be homeschooling him, while doing my own classes and trying to conceive… This is going to be fun…

What an interesting week….