This weekend has been crazy!

We decided to have a yard sale before it gets too hot! Next weekend is suppose to be super hot and it’s only going to get worse for the next few weeks! I was completely certain lots of ponytails and buns were in my future for this summer!

I was wrong… I have super super thick hair and even though I had it layered I was still so hot! Hair retains heat and it didn’t matter how much I put it up or kept it wet I felt like I was so hot! So I cut it off! 23 inches of locks touching my bootay is now gone some had to be swept away to nothingness and some might be able to donate they will send it in but it was a thin layer so it may just get tossed idk how it works!

but now I have a new hairdo and it feels nice! I haven’t had short hair in over 13 years! crazy but still excited for it to be gone! I was worried that the shorter my hair was the younger it would make me look and well I already have a baby face!

I have a before pics!

After

It feels so much lighter I love it! It has been such a long time since I got it done but still I love it! It is such a huge change that it’s going to take me a little while to get used to how easy it is to wash and brush lol but I do really like it!

Everything seems to be going really good with baby boy! Yesterday I had a minor freakout moment after I woke up from a terrible dream! My doppler helped calm me down immediately! I am so excited that in 9 days we get to see our little man again! It will be the long anatomy scan but still excited to see little man and see how big he’s gotten since the 10 week ultrasound! I can’t wait!

I’m still feeling movement but it’s not frequent yet!It is every day though just somedays he’s more active then other days! Well it’s time for me to go get the yardsale going for the final day so I will update more later! I need to seee if I updated about my Midwife yet! I really like her btw and I am looking forward to more appointments with her!

 

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Movement!

I felt movement! More than just flutters! It was amazing yesterday throughout the day (mostly when I was resting with my feet up) I felt several taps from the inside! Little nudges right where I know the baby is at!!!  I’ve been getting little flutters here and there, but they are few and far between! These, however,  were very defined nudges! It even went on for a few minutes at one time! Then this morning when I rolled over I felt it again a good 3-4 nudges! It was amazing! I can’t wait to feel him more and more!

Week 18 went by pretty quick mostly because I was sewing a lot I even made my first outfit for little man! My husband is  a huge steelers fan and little one will be born during football season so I thought it was only fitting to make it out of steelers fabric!

I also made me a skirt to wear to my parents wedding this June (its a re-wedding! Long story the short version is they got divorced in 08 and back together by 2010 and now they are getting married again) So I made a skirt this is the skirt that my sister is sooo mad about but I’m going to wear it regardless and she can kiss my bootay! I’m tired of drama over petty stupid stuff and tired of making decisions that will please her instead I’m doing what I want…

I’ve been using my doppler whenever my paranoia sets in and it is really helping me! Hearing his heartbeat makes my day! I love him so much already! I am super excited that I’m 19 weeks along which means I am almost half way through this pregnancy! The first trimester sure dragged by but now that I’m enjoying it more and less scared it is moving by faster!

I really want to start looking at names more seriously but Red isn’t ready to start narrowing the list down! Infact he wants to keep looking to see if we can add any more to it! We already have like 10-12 names on our list! I think when Red can start feeling the kicks too that he will be more likely to get serious with the names like I am! I just want to have something in mind I want to have the list down to like 3-4 names instead… However, I’m not much better names that I loved last month are not my favorites this month! It changes from month to month which is why I’d like to narrow it down a bit more!

I feel really good! I’m hungry all the time right now! My wedding ring is too tight so I can’t wear it! When I got it off my finger it took skin with it so for now it’s in a safe place when my finger gets a little bigger I have another ring that will fit it nicely! In a week or 2 this baby consignment store that I like will be having a fill a bag day where everything you can fit inside a bag and the bag is only 5 dollars so I will be getting $20 worth of clothes and get a ton of cute stuff for baby to wear!

I haven’t done any work on the nursery lately but I’m still keeping my eye out for some of the things we need!

The story of the horrible dr.

The apt. didn’t go that well last thursday! Let me say that baby boy is doing fine! A beautiful strong heart beat and once in awhile I actually feel him move!

The problem is I don’t really like my Dr. For many reasons at first I thought I just need to get to know him better and once he knows me better then we will have a good expierence I was so wrong!

He doesn’t seem to remember me from one appointment to the next every time we have the same conversation…I have to remind him why I’m on the meds I am and why we did fertility treatments and that this baby is a boy and we was genetically tested and here through IVF… He doesn’t even remember when the appointments are from one week to the next!

He was worried about a blood sugar test from 5 years ago that showed me as borderline hypoglycemic which can easily become diabetic when pregnant I understand this but now he’s saying that he thinks I am most likely diabetic and some of the side effects of being diabetic while on some of the meds I was while going through treatments can cause heart defects he was saying it as if I am diabetic and my child will have problems I quote “I don’t know why your fertility dr. would put someone who is diabetic on the medication medrol” first off I’m not diabetic and second the medrol is the med that kept my crazy immune system under control enough to help this baby have a fighting chance…He does not believe that the medrol and lovenox helped me get pregnant he thinks it’s just a matter of luck…

He does not do the anatomy scan unless he thinks you’re at high risk… so he’s sending me in for bloodwork and if it shows diabetes then he will send me in for the anatomy scan! Which he then follows up that with saying “Since you’re diabetic you’re at a much higher risk especially meds you were on so if we find something wrong are you willing to abort at this stage in the pregnancy”! Otherwise he does not do the anatomy scan!  Everyone else I know gets the anatomy scan done as a basic prenatal ultrasound check up! This doctor hasn’t even done a single blood draw on me!

It was just a horrible visit there were a few other dumb little things that ticked me and Red off but the good news is that I talked to an advocate through my insurance and they told me to get a new dr. asap and they would make the transfer over happen! I found a new dr. well she’s actually a midwife and has her nurse practitioner degree! I will be meeting her on thursday I’ll let you know how it goes after I meet her! I really hope that I love her and that I chose right since I won’t be able to change again after JULY and it was hard to find someone who would accept me this far along! I can’t imagine how hard it would be by then! So wish me luck that she is awesome!

I’m so done!!!

My semester is over!!! This is the first monday where I don’t have to plan out my week and write down a giant to-do list! I’m so excited to be done for a while!!! I have a lot to do around the house that has been a tad bit neglected because of finals so this week I’m going to try to get my house back into order!

I woke up thinking about names for baby boy it made Red laugh because it was the first thing out of my mouth was a name! Picking out a name is going to be hard I’m not gonna lie! I’m having a really hard time with this!

We got our crib all set up and it is adorable! Still have a ton of work to do to get the babies room ready but we have made some large strides! Our wardrobes are together and set up and the Crib is together and set up! I have the painting I made hanging on the wall! We still have a long way to go but I feel like we have gotten a lot done and a great start!

I can’t believe it in 2 weeks we will be half way through our pregnancy!!! Craziness!!!

Tomorrow I have an OB apt. and I need to make a list of questions for him! Like when he is planning to do the anatomy scan! Double check that he still delivers at the hospital I like! When he is planning on doing the blood sugar test and if I need to fast for it? All kinds of things but I am excited that now I can 100% focus on this pregnancy!!!

Maybe I am a bitch? *Vent*

So let me give you a backstory and you can decide if I’m being a bitch because according to my sister I am and I’m also not an understanding person…

So first off you’ll need a background to understand us both…I’m the one who always bows down to my sister B so that there is no conflict (ps I have 3 sisters I will refer to them as N, J and B, B is closest in age to me) B and me fought a lot growing up and eventually I just started bowing down to her whims so that she would be nicer and we wouldn’t fight so much we are very close as well so I wanted to keep the closeness and stop the fighting part…. Which means that B normally gets her way and I walk on eggshells to keep from starting anything…

In 2012 I wasn’t married yet B was and has been since she was 18…at this point she was 25 and I 23 we were talking about weddings and I told her how is Red ever asked I would say yes we had already been together for almost 3 years and she was talking about him taking it so slow (taking it slow never bothered me) I told her how ideally I would love to get married when ever he asked but I was going to push him and how we had just found out that we could do IVF instead of using donor sperm so we wanted to try to go that route which meant we had to start saving up… She told me to wait till we were married I told her it didn’t matter because no matter what we were planning on being together forever… So we joked a while and I told her that it would be cool if in 2013 we could have a baby and then in 2014 we could get married She told me no because she wanted to have a big wedding in 2014 and that I should wait till 2015 or 2016 (she got married in a courthouse but always dreamed of a wedding where her family could attend)…Fast Forward about 6 months later Red surprised me and proposed to me February of 2013 so we started planning our wedding he wanted to do it within a year! I always wanted a fall wedding so that gave us 9 months to plan and that was plenty of time… When I announced to B she was mad that I was going to do my wedding before she got her “real wedding” she tried to convince me to change the date of the wedding to a different year so that she could do hers first… I stood firm that what me and Red planned was what was going to happen no changing our plans… She did not come to my wedding and regretted it almost immediately…

I started IVF in May of 2015 she tried to have me change when we were going to start because of what due date she thought would be best and she started planning for her real wedding… I just ignored her and she got over it…as yall know I didn’t get pregnant until the january 2016 transfer… Her planning went as far as looking at things and creating a pinterest board of ideas she never purchased a single thing…In june 2015 my mom and dad got reengaged (they had been divorced and got back together) in november of 2015 my sister still hadn’t done any real planning beyond just talking so my mom offered to book the location and order her dress so that it would all be ready by march 2016 which is when she wanted to do her wedding….B told her no not to worry about it B got very mad that Mom and Dad were planning their wedding just a few months after B’s… B wouldn’t let it go and cancelled her wedding for 2016 because “she couldn’t afford her wedding because she would have to travel to mom’s wedding and for me when my baby was born” I told her not to use my child’s birth as a reason for why she couldn’t do her wedding especially since I didn’t get pregnant til a month before her wedding was supposed to take place she should have already had her plans ready to go by then…

I’m an over planner and planned on wearing the same skirt to both weddings because it would fit me no matter how pregnant I was at the time…B is really mad that I am wearing the same skirt I was going to wear to hers and has asked me not to wear it but to wear it to the baby shower instead…I told her no because we have an 8 hour car trip after the shower and I wont be able to change after the shower since we are leaving right away ( I had asked her to do it on a different day because of our travel plans but she told me no this was the day she was doing it) …. I also believe that if B had really wanted her wedding to happen she should have started putting plans into actions especially when we had been talking about it since 2012 she could have put even a little money aside each month from 2012 then she could have had the wedding she wanted especially when she has been talking about doing a real wedding ever since she was 18 and she is now 28 this real wedding has never ever happened…

She has been very verbal and petty about my parents wedding for the entire year that they have been planning! Maybe I am being a bitch for wearing the same skirt to my moms wedding that me and B had planned for me to wear for her wedding but at the same time it is comfortable and nice and I’m tired of B always dictating to me and trying to get me to do things her way… I’m not wearing it to be a bitch but why should I have to change my plans just because she never made any real plans for her wedding? She has dictated to me my whole life and the only other time I did not budge on my plans was for when my wedding was going to take place and when we were going to do transfers… I don’t want to budge on what I’m going to wear… I might end up wearing something different to keep the wedding drama free but that’s how it has been my whole life changing my plans to keep the peace with her and to be honest I am sick of it…shes been texting me all day telling me how she gave up her wedding for moms and how she is really upset that I’m wearing the skirt that I was suppose to wear to hers…I made the comment that she could start saving up and still do her wedding… she told me that finances were never the issue…

What do you think am I being a bitch? Should I go find something else to wear just to keep the peace? Am I the one who is now being petty? Should I just wear what I want and let her deal with her own issues?

one more week!

One more week and I will be officially done with the spring semester! It has been my hardest semester in a while! I was seriously wondering when it would be over back when I still had like 10 weeks to go! To think that it is finally down to my last week is both crazy and exciting! Next week is finals week so I will be way overwhelmed but I am looking forward to finishing all of my classes!

I have quite a few plans for this summer! Some projects planned for sewing! Some work on the nursery! And a whole lot of just relaxing and enjoying this pregnancy! I even bought myself a doppler for mother’s day and as soon as it arrives I plan on using it and hopefully it will help me not stress so much about this mother’s day! IT was a great price and there is a store here where I can sell it and get store credit for baby clothes (or baby furniture) when I’m no longer pregnant!

I’ve actually thought about posting some of my crafts on here and making a crafts page but I haven’t figured out how to do it! What do you guys think? IS that something you’d be interested in?

I still have some homework to do on Sunday which sucks considering it is mother’s day… I have a huge pile of clothing to do and of course I also am cooking dinner for my mom and for my MIL! Thank God they get along! But I have a lot to do tomorrow so I won’t be relaxing much on mothers day!

I’m not sure what my stepsons are planning on doing… probably nothing because without me or Red telling them what to do they will do nothing… I had to be gone like 2 years ago for father’s day and the kids did nothing for Red even though I told them before I left and the night before that they should make him breakfast and cards and make the day special for him! By the time it was over Red said it was a terrible day and he had to argue with the kids to get off their xbox and do anything with him! So while I’m sure Red will buy me a card and give me a kiss the day is pretty much going to be me taking care of our moms!

Don’t get me wrong I don’t expect much even though I have been the main mom in both my stepsons lives for the last 8 years! The only mom figure to my oldest and the only good mom and primary mom role model for my youngest! Unfortunately the world has drilled it into their minds that I’m “just a stepmom” and not a real mom so that kinda sucks but I’ve gotten used to it and over it! I’ve pretty much adopted these boys but that’s not how most of society sees it… This time next year I will have my biological son and the world will have to see me as a real mom even though in my heart and in life I have been a mom everyday for the last 8 years regardless of having a biological child!

I will be happy when this week is over just like every week I feel like we are one week closer to meeting out little guy! I am super happy about that! I can’t wait to meet him in October! It’s crazy to think but at the end of this month we will be half way through our pregnancy! That is crazy but exciting! I can’t wait to hear little mans heart being again! I can’t wait to see him either it has been a month since we saw the little guy! I’m not sure when the anatomy scan is I’m going to have to ask the dr when I see him at our 18 week appointment!

Well I have babbled your ears off enough! Happy mothers day to all the moms and all the moms at heart!

when does paranoia end?

Paranoia when will you go away?

So the last few days I’ve had several bad cramps especially after I ate some fast food that disagreed with me in the most unkind way! The stomache ache was terribly and it made my stomach cramp up super bad kinda like the way your stomach convulses when throwing up! Ever since my stomach muscles have hurt! I feel like I tore a muscle or something it was bad! I’ve been getting cramps ever since and I’m a little worried about them! the whole time my stomach was heaving I was terrified that it was hurting my baby! Silly I know since lots of women throw up a lot during their pregnancies! But still it kicked my paranoia into full gear and has given me difficulty sleeping! I’ve even been tempted to call the dr. about it! But at the same time I think I’m just being paranoid! I know that you guys are probably tired of hearing about my paranoia and fears and are thinking just enjoy it woman! Trust me I am telling myself the same thing! When will the paranoia end so that I can stop having horrific dreams of everything going wrong! I do know that cramps are more common during growth spurts and super common with fibroids! So I have refrained from calling the dr. and I’m going to do my best to stick it out the 2 more weeks I have til my scheduled appointment! Plus according to the baby guide I have this week he should be having a major growth spurt!!!

This doesn’t mean that I’m not enjoying my pregnancy! I love seeing my body changing! I like that random people now ask me how far along I am because they can tell that I’m pregnant from appearance! I love talking to my belly and rubbing it to say hi to my little man! I love reading the updates on how big he is each week and what kind of growth he will have this week! I love dreaming about what he will look like! I even enjoy reading a million names even though I’m no closer to having one picked out! I enjoy somewhat working our butts off to get the nursery ready!