I sit here in my home town 500 miles from my current home and for the mist part it has been wonderful!!! I miss Red like crazy, but I needed this vacation!
I know he needs one too,which makes me feel guilty! But with my grandparents health getting worse all the time I was afraid they’d be gone if I waited to long!
But this has also been an escape for me…an escape from the heat…an escape from my daily stressors! I try to not focus on the negative things in my life, but sometimes they are literally screaming in my face! I feel like I’ve hit my breaking point in many ways… it has caused me to be a hermit in my own home… hiding out in my bedroom to avoid conflict or irritation…
It’s hard for me to not say anything so I frequently practice that whole “if you have nothing nice to say” rule… I used to feel like I was strong enough to handle it all, I knew that Jean was a roomate and that D would eventually be a bull headed teenager. However, Jean went from roomate to dependent, and D went from a strong willed kid to bull headed teen/adult making terrible decisions and unwilling to listen to anything. D is a wonderful person with a huge heart and the most beautiful smile, but he is making bad decisions and rubbing off on his little brother who thinks he and his friends are so cool… Jean went from a grumpy room mate to a very selfish and inconsiderate dependent. She has no plans on ever going into a nursing home, yet she fully expects us or the children to do everything for her… These things plus full time student and taking care of an infant are just a little to much for me to handle.
What am I supposed to do?
I’ve tried talking but I’ve gone unheard…they acknowledge my concerns but nothing changes… So since I ran away, just for a month, but I ran to my family where my only stress (which is the one stress I welcome and enjoy always) is my infant…and some stress from my sisters but not much, nothing I can’t walk away from, where as my stress at home I can’t just ignore and walk away from.
I miss my husband so much, but I don’t miss Jean… I miss D and A but I don’t miss dealing with D when he’s being stubborn or making bad choices… I miss my husband and that’s all I miss right now…
I want some things to be different in our lives but right now I can’t change anything… I’m working on the things that I can control like the change in career, I have only 2 years left and that will have changed…I want to change where we live but that can’t happen until after the change in careers so it too is slowly being worked on, we have a half ass 5 year goal/plan… I can’t change the Jean situation, and I can’t force D to change his behavior… I hate running away from them (only for a month) but I’m so glad I’m away from them right now… but this temporary fix is going to end and I Will be right back where I was a month ago…
lovingthemarriedlife 