Easter…

I’m feeling really weird lately… not in a bad way but more like I was during my last pregnancy I am very protective and family centered… Don’t get me wrong I am always always always family centered and protective it’s just super heightened right now…

Easter was great and weird all at the same time…  My eldest son moved out over a year ago and it’s been weird adjusting without having him around all the time… at times it’s nice because he is in a party defiant stage (he’s 20) and we don’t need the stress and lies that he was bringing because of it…especially around his little brothers… but it’s still been weird not having him here for all the family stuff… This year he worked on Easter day and my middle son who is 14 was at his bio moms for the weekend…. So we dyed eggs with Dalton and did stuff as just the three of us and it was weird… it was fun and enjoyable but weird at the same time!

my 14 year old is a fresh men almost sophomore in high school so he only has 3 years left of school and it’s weird to thin that when baby girl is 3 and Dalton is 5 he could possibly move out and then for the next 15 years we will have many more family holidays and events where the older boys may or may not be there…. it’s just odd…

Now we did have a wonderful weekend we had so much fun!!!! It was a small glimpse into our future and I’m happy to say that even though I will miss our eldest boys I am excited for what our future holds…

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Glucose test and presentations

The title says it all! Today I had my glucose test and then about 2 hours later I had a presentation at school… 

The glucose test went fine, I’m sure I’ll have to do the 3 hour test since I’m already hypogylcemic it is easier for me to become diabetic especially while preggers so I always end up having to do the longer test even when not pregnant so we will see how that goes in a week or so when we get the results back… 

At school I had a presentation which went fine, honestly I had a partner and we were the first ones to present and it was just fine… The professor loved it and said we did an amazing job… We threw it together in 2 days so that was nice that it came together so nicely… My partner is just as hardworking as me so that’s a bonus and I enjoy doing projects with her… At this point in my education I’m feeling very confident in my lesson plans and my teaching ability so these type of lessons are easy… 

It’s nice to be feeling so confident since I’m so close to the end. We have one more month which is actually less than a month since one of those weeks is for exams or final projects… I’m glad this semester has felt very long, and honestly really difficult as well… I’m glad it is almost over I am motivated to push through and finish strong! 

After this semester I only have my student teaching and then I graduate! If you’ve been following me for very long you know that this has been a long road to go down! I am so happy to be so close to the finish at this point!!! 

I can’t wait to be done… a small “very small” part of me is bummed out about not graduating in December, but it is so worth it to get to stay home with baby girl until she is about 5 months old! It is more than worth it to get all that time with her and to recover!!! I really really really am looking forward to it!!! I am also looking forward to the following May when I will get to graduate and start the next chapter of our lives! 

So many things will change when I am no longer a student… One of the biggest things is that we will have that much more financial stability! I will be able to provide my children with better opportunities! We will be able to travel more and we will have the ability to actually move and live somewhere smaller, greener, and cooler climate! 

Each step feels like one step closer to our goals!!! 

24 weeks! VIABILITY

I am so happy to havee reached this point! I haven’t felt her move around a ton which bothers me but Dalton was a tad overactive (still is the busiest kid around) I also have an anterior placenta which changes how much I get to actually feel!

Last week was so chaotic that I feel like I’ve finally gotten a chance to sit down and breathe and reflect on my pregnancy… I am getting more excited and I feel like she will be here so soon… which is crazy because I still have 15 weeks but I don’t feel like I have that much time… I think it’s because I know I still have 4 weeks of school in this semester and then I’ll only have 11 weeks to go and do all the things on my todo list I’d like to get done before she is here… and let me tell ya that list is long… It’s not all pregnancy stuff, some is some general house projects, crafts with Dalton, and then baby stuff, preparing for the newborn phase with things like frozen meals…

I also go through phases where I’m super excited and phases where I’m a tad terrified… I don’t know how I’m going to manage having a newborn and toddler… not sure how I’m going to handle, potty training and being up all night… Not sure how I’m going to handle the anxiety of having a c-section and then the recovery time… its a lot and I really try not to think about it because I just want to focus on enjoying the now and not overwhelm myself… I tell myself that a lot of it is going to be fine, I’ll adjust to my new normal and the newborn phases will be over pretty quickly and al though I’m afraid I know it will be fine…

I am really looking forward to newborn snuggles and coo’s… I’m looking forward to breastfeeding… I’m lookng forward to seeing what she looks like and watching her personality develop… I look forward to seeing my hubsand interact with his daughter (he’s only raised boys) and I’m looking forward to see a relationship develop between Dalton and her… Even though I’m afraid of the newborn/healing stage, I look forward to the rest of our lives together!!!

Homesick….

Not the typical homesick… I’m on vacation to my hometown visiting family and checking on my sick grandma…

I miss my hubby since he’s not here with me but every time I come back here I deeply miss living here and living the small town life… I miss my siblings and miss the seasons they have here!

It is nice to help keep me focused on my goals of wanting to move out of the city in 3 years… But it also makes me dread going back to the desert city I’m in now…

I want my kids to grow up with thier cousins but in reality my kids are the youngest of the cousins and the closest one is age is 3 years older then Dalton so they won’t have a ton of growing up with all the cousins… Which is why we are not 100 certain of where we want to move… We know we want to move and live somewhere pretty with a small town feel just gotta figure out where that is… So here’s my view this morning that makes me so homesick I never want to leave I just want my hubby here with us!

Starting to Nest?

I am feeling weird about leaving town… I really want to see my siblings but I really don’t want to leave! I will be so far from home, so far from my husband. It iss making me uncomfortable which I really didn’t see coming… Orginally I was planning to go visit them in May, but my grandma being sick has brought the trip early and cut the time down a lot! 

Now that I’m getting ready to leave in the morning I find myself dreading the trip! I’m also rethinking the idea of going up in May for several weeks. I’m only 23 weeks and already feel uncomfortable about leaving my nest and being away from my hubby so I think when I’m 28 weeks I’m really going to just want to stay put… I’m okay with this, the logistics of getting up there and staying for a few weeks was getting complicated anyways but now I just want to stay home and get my house ready for baby girl! 

I also have a lot to do like homework, that is adding to my stress… but mostly I just want to stay home! I don’t want to be away from hubby, my bed, or have my son so far from all the things he needs or could need. I really didn’t think leaving would be this hard, I try to do it every year! One year I was gone for over a month and it was heaven, it only sucked because hubby wasn’t with me…he couldn’t take that much time off work so I went alone with Dalton and it was what I needed! I was also going through a bit of depression at the time and being around my siblings helped me clear my head… okay enough venting or dreading I gotta get to bed we have a very long trip (8 hour drive) tomorrow!!! 

Tubes and tears

Some days are easy, some days are hard… Today is not easy… This week has not been easy… I finally broke today… I cried..hard… I rarely cry…

Today Dalton’s pediatrician gave us a referral because he might need tubes. I know it’s a small procedure that can make a positive difference but the idea of my little man needing surgery so young just scares me… I don’t want to put him through it… I don’t want him to be sick all the time or lose hearing because I don’t want him to go through it… I’m just afraid…

I think the break down is just from my stressful week and this was just the straw that broke me…

There is no reason to obsess until we talk to the ENT… I know a lit of people that have said how much tubes made a difference for them… I just need to go make some coffee and process the shit storm this week has been!

Crazy F***ing week

Sorry to be so blunt but holy hell! This week has been extremely high stress…. Lets rewind the clock a bit! On Sunday (the wonderful day after my baby shower) my dad gets a call from my grandma and she’s not doing so well. She was in the hospital for over a week due to influenza, so my dad caught a ride with my sister to go see my grandma (450 miles away)! My mom asked me to ride with her to go pick my dad up in a week. So crisis 1! Sick elderly grandma, which will include a 450 mile car trip or 900 miles round trip! Now one of my sisters seems to have a fever, headache, and cough and I’m worried about going up to visit my grandma because I’m worried about catching something and I’m not sure what to do! I really want to see my grandma, I would even love to go to Elko, but the last thing me or Dalton needs is another round of the flu considering a month ago we had the stupid flu!

Crisis 2! Then on Tuesday on my way to school I got rear ended on the free way at about 30 miles an hour. No biggie my car barely has any damage, but still it was scary and I was a little worried about baby girl and the seat belt  tightening…

Crisis 3! Involves way TMI so sorry you might want to skip this nastiness….

Seriously if you are easily grossed out just skip this part and know my night didn’t go very nice! I ended up finding out I have a UTI and I spent about 6 hours in the hospital! Me n baby girl are fine, I’m on an antibiotic, got a rogam shot and feeling much better…

IF you don’t mind TMI then feel free to read on!

 

 

my hooha had been really irritated and one side seemed swollen, painful to sit or stand to long, and was almost hard and felt like it was bulging out of me so I grabbed a mirror and it looked like it was almost bulging out of me… I was worried but it was at bed time when I noticed the hard lump in my hooha  and figured I’d call the midwife in the morning… Well at 3 am I wake up to pee and my legs are soaked so I run to the bathroom and they are covered in blood and some sort of nasty liquidy stuff… cue major fucking freakout!!! So I call my hospital and let them know I’m headed in and that there is some sort of blood and I’m on blood thinners, had a car accident early in the day, and RH negative! I get down there and there is still some light bleeding going on that is really only noticeable when I wipe…  They run a ton of tests, and then the dr. comes into check on me and the gross lump was gone. No swelling, no sign of it ever being there even though it had been there and increasing in size and pain for almost a week… They found a UTI from my UA and no bleeding on the ultrasound. So the dr. on staff said it could have been a cyst that ruptured or a yeast infection (although the yeast culture came back negative) and either way she wanted me on a antibiotic to clear up the UTI and if there was any kind of cyst it should prevent a bacterial infection… so after 6 hours I finally made my way home!

 

Ready to reveal the name

So we are set on the name of our daughter (and in love with it) and have finally decided to reveal it to the world.

crazy busy weekend!

SO my sister and brother came to visit and honestly anytime my sister B is involved it’s a lot of fun but there is always the risk of drama. This weekend was non-stop! I had a lot of fun. We did my babyshower and it was fun, we went all over the place and had a great time. But it was exhausting like for 72 hours from the time I got up to the time I went to bed was running around with my siblings.

My sister in law got her feelings hurt and had the right to be mad. We were trying to spare her stress and ended up hurting her feelings by making her feel excluded… which sucks and I only get to see her once a year so hurting her feeling sucks when I’m still building a relationship with her.

Today everyone headed back and we get a call that my Grandma isn’t doing very well. My dad rode up with my sister to go be with her for this week and then on Sunday (as long as she doesn’t take a turn for the worst) me n my mom are driving up to go pick up my dad and so that I can see my grandma as well…

So now I am trying to get a head start on all my homework so that I can not be behind when I’m gone for the next week!

I am exhausted! I think I’m in my 10th or 11th week of school and my brain and body are so tired! I have all this craziness next week and trying to get ahead this week it’s just overwhelming.

We did the baby name reveal and baby shower but I will write more about those things later for now I need to go get some laundry for tomorrow together and it has to be a small load since I didn’t make it to the store for laundry detergent this week! Oh so fricken tired. so overwhelmed. so happy that I got some time with my siblings!

Family

My family has come to visit which is amazing! Also while my sister is here she is throwing me a baby shower! I’m really excited! I’m so happy that my family is here to visit I have needed them! I miss my siblings so much and feel very far away from them! I have been very homesick lately and a bit upset about some situations here where I live such as my mother in law that lives with us.

I miss my family so much and wish they could be more a part of my life. It’s hard with them so far away, seeing them is just what I need. The only problem is it’s only for the weekend and it makes me so homesick for a while. I am so tired of living in the city and hearing about my nephews n nieces growing up without me. I want to have these awesome relationships with them but it’s hard so far away and only getting to see them once a year. I get very homesick.

I’m going to enjoy my “vacation” with my siblings and have a great weekend. I’m going to let myself enjoy the time together and try not to stress or dwell on anything!