sorry it’s been awhile between things again! I’ve been so focused on enjoying everyday and fully submerging myself in family life that time has slipped by me… How is it really only 3 days til Christmas!!!! 10 days until the new year! and only 14 days until my maternity leave ends!!!
I have to many thoughts, processing my emotions has literally been keeping me up at night!
There was a mistake in school that had me set up with a different school for student teaching in the grade I want… so then I had to decide stay put where I was originally assigned in 5th grade at a school near me or go to the one that’s further away in the grade I want… I chose to stay where I was originally assigned but I’m not sure I made the right choice! I’m still struggling about whether it was right or wrong. I think I chose wrong, I shoulda sucked it up and went to the school in the grade I wanted with a lot of unknowns vs. a place I knew with problems I already knew about in a grade I’m uncomfortable in…
The thing that brings tears to my eyes is the fact that I won’t be with my sweet baby girl all day everyday! Part of why I think that I should have chosen the 1st grade class is that I would have been closer to her so I could have picked her up after school each day and gotten and extra hour with her each day, but that would have also meant Dalton at day care an hour longer. At least with me at the closer school I’d be able to pick up Dalton get home and do my homework while cooking dinner waiting for hubby and Sunday to get home. It will make some things easier so that once they are home I can be fully focused on my family instead of school!
I’m not sure I made the right choice but logically it makes sense to be closer to home so that I have more time to do what I need to so that I can be more present during the little time that I will have! so I’m giving up time with my daughter so that I can be less stressed each week and enjoy more of the time I do get… it’s a whole quantity vs. quality conundrum. I hope I made the right choice. I still feel conflicted!!!
On the other side of the coin, all of my classmates just graduated this week and it has been sad to me that I wasn’t with them… it was a hard pill to swallow I was one of the top of my class I have no idea where I rank now, not that it matters but still something I worked hard for… I wish I were going into teaching instead of student teaching but I would never change the choice I made! I could have waited to do transfer so that I’d be having a baby this spring instead but I wanted them closer in age, I didn’t want to wait in limbo to find out if it would even work, no matter what I was going to have a long maternity leave and then jump full time into a classroom so that distance between paychecks would be the same… but it still sucked watching my classmates graduate without me!!!
So to sum all that babbling up, I’m scared to go into 5th grade for student teaching, I’m scared to be away from my daughter so much. I’m happy to be so close to graduating and sad that my maternity leave is coming to an end. I’m not ready to shut this chapter of my life because it feels like it went by so fast, I’m so excited to see what the next chapter brings.