Reflective and hopeful

Tags

couple goals, family, family goals, life goals, love, refocusing the soul, soul

This year has been a whirlwind when I stop to think about it my head spins. I am so excited about where we are now. I am so happy that we are together in a new place to start a new beginning. IT has been a lot though. SO many things over the 8 years have been a lot but I really feel like this next year is going to be a wonderful year. I can feel it. I can’t explain it but I am really excited and hopeful about the next year.

Early this year we completely uprooted our lives. My husband sold his business and decided to take the plunge into a new career path. He needs the time and ability to focus on it all. We also need a trustworthy person to be at home raising our daughter while I’m at work. Once she reaches kindergarten that will be easier because we will be on the same schedule and she will be at my job site with me. He how ever will hopefully continue to be working from home fulltime.

We found a new house 500 miles away in a rural mountain town and planted new roots. For so many many years we have been working out assess off to reach our dreams. There have been more than a few hiccups along the way. Here we are though. We grew our family through our own struggles of infertility. I completed a 4 year college degree at the same time we faced our struggles. Rob was working hard at his business and we had 2 teenage boys to raise through it all. The last 8 years have been wonderful and difficult all at the same time. Things have been in constant movement forward. Things have been strenuous and joyous. We have grieved and we have loved so deeply all at the same time. It has been a hard road, but so many amazing beautiful memories were made.

Parts of me regret not living more in the moment enjoying my older boys even more before they grew up and left the house. Having Adin graduate and move out this year has been emotionally difficult. Really difficult. I look at everything we have achieved and I am so happy, it was a lot of stressed, planning, pushing, working, and reward. I strongly recommend hard work towards goals.

This year my goals are going to be a little less ambitious. I am not trying to get through a degree or move us in a drastic new life. No, this time my goal is me and my family. This year and maybe next I am going to focus on us. Not pushing us somewhere new but instead embracing us. Enjoying where we are, getting to really see my children for them. Listening and putting energy and love into my relationship with my husband. This year I want to strengthen my soul. I want to strength my relationships with the people that I love so much.

I still plan to go back to college and get my Masters degree. I am starting to change my plans once more and I am thinking of possibly getting a smaller field specific degree. Something to quickly move me up the pay bracket and yet won’t take years and years and a drastic amount of my life and attention away from my children. I want more memories, more of each other. I want to enjoy everything that we have worked so hard for. I want to appreciate all of our sacrifices and honor them by giving now and today my all.

Advertisement

Figuring out how to be less reactive…

Tags

beyond being mom, family goals, inner calm, less reactive, married life, mom life, motherhood, personal goals, personal growth, working mom

IT has been a month since I let go of the pressure I have been putting on myself to do everything all the time. IT has been so rewarding in so many ways. I have felt less stressed. Every week I feel like the me that I have been working so hard for for all the years. We still have many goals as a couple, family, personally, etc… but for the last 10 years we have been working so hard to get where we wanted to get. Hubby and I had laid down some major goals for us as priorities, those were things like getting stability, having more children, and moving out of the desert. We did it, we have more children thanks to IVF, we are no longer living in the hell that is the south western desert. I have a career that I can take just about anywhere in the USA and a few other locations outside the US.

I am excited for us. We have some more goals, hubby to have a stable income from home specifically, traveling, spending as much time as a family doing family things, moving forward with my career. Watching my husband grow in his new career. Having the freedom to dream together and grown. The country is unstable and that’s always scary but I hope that everything will normalize and stabilize. That is another fear for another day though.

I have been feeling like I’m just enjoying life more. I’m handling my stress better. I’m not as reactive as I was and I know a lot of that has to do with stopping when I’m feeling overwhelmed and asking myself why is this bothering me, what about it is really a problem. This has been helping me at home and at work. I feel less overwhelmed and more in control of myself. Which is how I used to feel. It’s weird like all the little bs when I was in survival/hustle mode was a tiny rubber band and each one that added just seemed to mold me into one tense wound up stress ball. It was hard not to snap and I have some memories where I sounded really harsh and cunty and I still feel guilty. The worst part was knowing the people that I love the most that I was hustling so hard for are the ones who will share those memories of me acting unpleasant.

Tonight I burnt the rice for dinner I got distracted by the dog stealing butter off the counter and the toddler being naked and throwing a huge fit about putting clothing on. By the time I got back to the rice I was frying it was inedible and I was mad I wanted to yell at the dog and tell the toddler to stop screaming. Instead I just threw the rice away, started over and remembered it was my fault for walking away and being mad doesn’t unburn the rice. So here we are. And I redid the rice we had a lovely dinner and I didn’t feel like a crappy human at the end of the night. I’m not saying I lost my shit daily but it felt like a struggle and losing my shit even once a week left me feeling guilty forever. I feel less guilty and happier. Although, I am actively aware of my stress levels and when I am overwhelmed, I am constantly catching myself reacting instead of just being me I am hoping that continuing to do these things and eventually it will be natural again like it once was. I am hoping I can find my inner calm and just enjoy life and everything we have been working for.